New to oots

[PhoenixA]

So the instructions say to do an intro post as to why I'm here.  I've been trying to heal from my background for about 30 years (active counselling) and have come to the point of being mostly integrated and at least surface functional to the point that once I trust enough and people learn of my background they are surprised.  I feel like Shrek and an onion a lot of the time though as I find myself revisiting things and finding another piece of my healing journey under the next layer.  I still (and likely always will) have some leftover cptsd symptoms, though the worst of the dissociation and self-harm is long gone.  I have been through the mill of self-harm in many many forms, but no longer go there thankfully!!!  I do have a lot of distorted thinking about myself and my worth/place in the world and lingering nightmares and hyper vigilance, but again manage to have a pretty functioning life.
I survived a lifetime of abuse starting pre-verbal including ritual abuse, a seriously mentally ill mother who had, among other things, a form of munchausen by proxy, sexual abuse by several including incest and spousal rape and three abusive adult relationships.  I also became my own abuser with a multitude of self harm behaviours.
I moved a few years ago a very long way from where I had a very strong support network, many of whom were well aware of my history, and extremely supportive of  my continued path to health and wholeness in all the forms that takes.  This included a fantastic trauma counsellor who has tried to support me as much as possible but just isn't sustainable.  Covid has made the isolation worse.  I hope to find here a safe place where I can turn when those old issues rear their head and I need support and understanding.  Thank you for the add.

[Not Alone]

Thank you for sharing. Welcome to OOTS.   

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS PhoenixA, glad you found your way here    We try our very best to keep this a safe space - respectful, supportive and compassionate.

[Armadillo]

Hi Phoenix! Welcome! Also brand new! It sounds like you have been through a lot! I look forward to learning from you because it also sounds like you have some hard-earned wisdom to share, too. I'm sorry COVID has made things more difficult. Like you needed more challenges. It is really hard to shake that feeling of not belonging and being different. Moving away from the people who know you, get you, and support you must have been very disorienting.

Anyway welcome! I look forward to getting to know you.

[PhoenixA]

Thank you Armadillo!  Welcome to you as well!  I hope you're able to find what you need here.  It has been and continues to be quite the journey...