Question about a word

[rainydiary]

Hello all,

I am doing some learning for my professional license as a speech language pathologist. 

I am often surprised at how much the field of psychology has influenced treatments we do.  Some vocabulary crosses over that I find myself having strong reaction to.

One such word is  "Desensitize."  I personally do not like this word.  For me, it feels gaslighting like I shouldn't be having the reaction I am having. 

I think most folks probably don't see it that way and rather focus on the aim which is to adjust how one reacts to certain things. 
I also think most folks in my field aren't as trauma informed as they could be while most of my students I find experience trauma on some level.

I'm curious if anyone has any experiences or perspective to share on the word "desensitize."  I always feel nervous to ask other professionals in my field because they don't think about things the same way I do. 

[Armee]

Now that you mention it it does feel shamey blamey. For trauma work I prefer "process" as in process the trauma rather than desensitize me.

What's the context in speech pathology?

[rainydiary]

The context it often comes up in is with stuttering therapy.  I think it means having someone face a feared speaking situation. 

I understand the idea but I don't like that word.  To me it feels like it isn't acknowledging all the reasons someone might be feeling afraid of speaking up. 

I don't use it with people but other professionals do and it triggers me every time. 

[Armee]

Yeah I agree with you.

Also as someone who is terrified of speaking in a group especially a prepared presentation or discussion, i have been forcing myself to do this professionally for 18 years. No amount of exposure or desensitization is fixing this without addressing the underlying issue as you note. I can yes force myself to get through it and know it is ok but it still causes me to hate myself for days. Doesn't matter how much exposure doesn't matter how much people tell me I'm good. The underlying issue is shame from trauma. And doing this exposure often leads to some form of SH during or after.

It's funny my mom says I didn't speak a word until I was 3, except two phrases "uh oh sgettio" and "monster bite me."

Silent.

[Papa Coco]

Keep in mind with my feedback that I am not a psychologist, so I may be making some naive comments to your question. But I'm choosing to weigh in because for twenty-some years, I was "re-abused" by 6 different cognitive therapists who left me feeling like my lack of progress under their care meant I "just didn't want to get better, and just wasn't listening" to them telling me to "just stop being traumatized" because "trauma just wasn't serving me."......Here it goes. I hope I don't look too stupid with my response, but it's all I have to offer---

I think you're right about the fact that too many psychologists don't think about trauma the same way others do.  The word desensitize fits very, very well in cognitive therapy (Which to me is a beautiful word that means dog training). Cognitive therapy, which I believe used to be called Behavior Modification Therapy, would easily believe that after we've lived through our 50th grade school shooting event, we no longer care about the 51st. To the cognitive therapist, that makes sense. Because they believe every reaction we have to any stimulus is just a learned behavior. Anyone who has ever learned to play piano knows that after enough practice, your fingers automatically play without you having to think about each keystroke. Cognitive therapy kind of says that after I've had my initial shock about school shootings, I just don't have to think about them anymore. I'm now "desensitized" to them. It seems to run on the principle that we are trained to react to any stimulus, so all we have to do now is retrain for a new reaction. So easy. Then they hold out their hand for a $150 check.  (Sorry about my tone, but I am still pretty disillusioned at the poor therapy I got from 1981 to 1999).

Trauma works nothing like that. Trauma victims never get desensitized to the world around them. At best we may reach a point of too much pain, so we might choose to stop watching the news just because it hurts too much. But that is a far, far, FAR cry from becoming ambiguous to it... or "desensitized."  And Armee, you are right: It feels shamey blamey that we are being "desensitized" to things that hurt too much to keep looking at. We humans are meant to be adaptive. If our world changes around us, our brains adapt to the new rules for the purpose of survival. The word Desensitized, (as used in the ways I've heard it used all my life) is how they seem to describe my adaptive strength to let go of the past so I can adapt to the future. So many different ways to look at it all. Desensitized is a  negative word. Adaptable is more positive.

Again: Sorry if I totally missed the mark and came off sounding like an idiot.

[Papa Coco]

Armee,

I really resonate with your last response. For me, my trauma-based fears get worse over time, not better. My stress in traffic is worse than ever. My fear of heights was once a nuisance I was able to muscle through, but now is a terror that locks my muscles to the ladder in ways I can't escape.  I was a Stand up Comedian 20 years ago, and today I can barely talk to strangers one on one. For a therapist to tell me to just get over it, completely destroys my self-image, because I CAN'T get over it.

I kind of think I've totally misunderstood Rainydiary's original question. Perhaps I don't know how psychologists are now using the word "desensitize". It used to mean that we stopped caring about things that used to shock us.

[rainydiary]

Papa Coco, you did not misunderstand.  I completely appreciate and agree with your response.   I think that is how the word desensitize is used. 

Armee, I appreciate your example and that is exactly why I am bothered by this word. 

I think my field uses the word without any thought to what it actually means and where it comes from.  It bothers me a lot.  The things we help people with are neurological based and I don't think people should be shamed for things that come about based on how their brain works. 

I appreciate these thoughts as I thought I was overreacting.  My instinct is that the people I work with experience trauma and I haven't figured out how to explain that.  The words we use matter. 

[Papa Coco]

Bless you, Rainydiary.

The field of therapists is a "buyer beware" minefield of bad therapists mixed with good ones. I'm lucky I had the stamina to keep trying to find a good one until I finally did. I'm glad you don't try to push Cognitive behavior training onto trauma victims.  We've talked about how it's shaming to believe that it's my own character flaw that made me "choose" to not be cured, but it's more than just shame. It also just doesn't work. It's a fake cure that will end badly when the client realizes a year later they are in worse shape than before. It further crushes the hope of ever getting better at all.

My current T, whom I've been seeing since 1999, has never once used the word "desensitized" in any session. The six before him all did. Each time that I fell for the lie that I was cured, made me even more sick when a year would go by and I'd realize I was worse off than before the false cure. Cognitive therapy only set me up for future crushed hopes as I'd realize I was more and more immune to what I'd been told were the clinical cures.

I should say that Cognitive Behavior Modification Therapy has a place, It's a great tool to help quit smoking or drinking, (or teaching your dog to sit on command) but it's the wrong cure where trauma is present. Telling a trauma survivor to "just stop choosing to let the past bother you" is setting us up for a future catastrophic failure.

I'm glad people like you are studying the ways to truly help trauma survivors.

[rainydiary]

I appreciate your words Papa Coco.  You put into words things I feel and have a hard time expressing because I can't talk about this in a way I would like with others. 

I have felt so much resistance to cognitive behavioral approaches in myself because they ask me to deny my experience.  I am just starting to read The Tao of Fully Feeling and it feels like the right time to be doing so. 

The type of work I do (speech language or communication development) isn't something that can be managed by tricks for training dogs.  I resent that so much of the work of my colleagues is based on this and not questioned.  I feel I bring a unique perspective of someone living with awareness of trauma. 

I have also faced a lot of backlash from colleagues when I try to speak up about this.  It makes it hard for me to keep going and keep speaking up because it then takes a lot of downtime to recover.  I think moving forward it may be helpful to be really honest with myself of how much I want to put out there.  I will still do what I think is right for someone I work with and often holding space for someone to be themselves can be very powerful and "enough." 

I appreciate the thoughts on this.