New Here

[Domily]

My name is Emily. I had sexual abuse for 3 years when I was really young. My dad walked out when I was 13 and he was my best friend. My brother was physically abusive. I know why I am the way I am and I am in a relationship with an amazing man right now which I keep setting off the self destruct button on. He has been patient and I have tried to fix it but I panic occasionally when he doesn't talk fast enough. I always think when he is stressed that it is because of me, no matter what he says. I always think he's going to leave and it has kind of become a self fulfilling prophecy. He is going to leave if I don't do something. I have had several relationships like this and I need to end the cycle. I need to feel better for myself, my son, and my relationships. I know what caused all of this, and I don't know how to fix it. Please help, I deserve happiness. I deserve to be rid of my anxiety. I deserve to get better.... for good.

[Rrecovery]

Hi Emily and Welcome    You do deserve to get better, we all do.  I hear how much you have suffered and are suffering.  This is a safe, loving, healing place.  Glad you are here 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome Domily      I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through and are going through - CPTSD is a lasting family legacy unfortunately. 

As Rrecovery suggests you have every right to heal and are in the right place.    We all deserve to heal and are struggling to recover and that helps us to be kind and patient and caring toward one another. I think you'll find the support and encouragement really helpful, I know I do.

Glad you found your way here 

[C.]

I agree with everything here.  And what BeHealthy said about being joyful with the moment is so true. 

You sound more aware in your relationship too and like it's very important to you so I'd like to mention something along those lines.  I'd read and experienced a little of a healthy attached relationship w/C-PTSD and what I've seen is that learning to work together to overcome your triggers will help.  Like w/my bf I'd panic if I didn't get a text back w/i several hrs.  When I explained that to him we negotiated it to within a day (unless an emergency of course).  He was understanding.  Then I had many successful days where he followed through w/that commitment and the waiting for a response became less and less anxiety provoking.   There's also some great info. about attachment types: "normal", avoidant/distant, anxious and chaotic are the main categories.  So learning about that helps.  There are some great resources here about relationships including a topic dedicated to our relationship w/others and another w/resources.

Welcome, I'm very happy to know that you've found a supportive community for yourself.  I trust you to continue to grow and learn and heal.  I look forward to getting to know you at OOTS.  Be well