Therapist used the word. . . TW

[Persistant]

Based on the info you have given, that sounds like rape to me. If there had been consent beforehand - some people partake in this kind of role play - then it would have been different. I'm guessing that you were paralysed with fear and felt unable to resist ? If the man knew this and used his age & size to intimidate and scare you then that adds to the case for rape.

I hope you manage to work through this and find some peace.

[Armadillo]

The context was a bit subtle in that NotAlone referred to being a child and the other party as a man, later clarified as 20 or older.

Even with consent, there's no such thing as consent between a 13/14 year old and a grown man. It doesn't matter if the child said no, was silent, agreed to it, or even begged for it. It was still rape, Not Alone. It was wrong and you were grievously violated.

[Not Alone]

Persistant, thank you for commenting. I'm not sure if I was frozen with fear or not. I was abused from a very early age so by the time this incident happened I had be trained (by terror and torture) to cooperate.

Blueberry, thank you for your hug. It helps to know that you feel like you want stuff to go away too. I will try to be gentle with myself.

It'll start to feel less shameful, less overwhelming as you get the pieces out and let them settle a bit.

Thank you for this hope, Armadillo. My T also said that my feelings will shift and change.

The context was a bit subtle in that NotAlone referred to being a child and the other party as a man, later clarified as 20 or older.

Even with consent, there's no such thing as consent between a 13/14 year old and a grown man. It doesn't matter if the child said no, was silent, agreed to it, or even begged for it. It was still rape, Not Alone. It was wrong and you were grievously violated.

Thank you, Armadillo.

[Persistant]

Notalone - are you still in a vulnerable position eg can this man (or anyone else for that matter) possibly abuse you ? Sending you strength, support and love.

[Not Alone]

Persistant, thank you for your care and concern. That person and the others are long gone from my life. I am safe now.

[Not Alone]

I am a person.
I am a person.
I am a person.
I am a person.

That's what my therapist told me today. I've partly looked at myself as an object, because that's how I was treated. I was just a thing to be used. He (T) said I am a person. When I got home, I laid down for a bit with the weighted blanket over me. I kept saying it to myself over and over. Maybe to those of you reading this, that seems, "duh, obvious," but not to me. To me it is "hmm. Wow. I wonder. . ."

I have talked to my T for three sessions about what happened to me. Today for the first time, only for a few minutes, I was able to look at him.

From,
13/14-year-old

[Not Alone]

On a big paper I wrote, "I am a person." The "person" was with letters that could be filled in. I wanted to write or illustrate within the letters things that I am learning about myself as a person. I was afraid that I wouldn't have anything to put in there. The first thing I wrote was that I have feelings. That's what my T said. "You have feelings. People feel, not objects." I also wrote about my kitten. (She is on my lap right now taking a bath!) Later, Not Alone pointed out some other things for me to add, so I wrote those within the letters too. I think that I will also write that I like colors. (Thank you, Jazzy for telling how to have different colors.)

I don't know if this makes sense. I partly survived what I went through by feeling mostly like an object. Now I'm starting to know that I am a person.

Today in the store, Not Alone walked down the craft aisle and asked me if there was anything that looked interesting to me. I picked something out. I will work on it later.

Believing more and more that I am a person and that I matter.

13/14 year old

[Armadillo]

Hi 13/14 

I'm so happy you are starting to find ways to make it feel real that YOU are a PERSON. How terrible that people treated you like you were an object and took away your humanity while you were just a kid. It makes so much sense that this is how little you coped and I'm glad she survived.

I like the idea of this project and can see it could really help me too. It's something I would keep so hidden from everyone probably even my therapist. I'm curious are you able to share stuff like this?

[Not Alone]

Thank you for what you said, Armadillo. Yes, I showed my therapist. He said he loved it and it was very cool.