About Triggers

[Kizzie]

I thought it might be beneficial to collect some info about triggers like we did with emotional flashbacks. Here are three questions to guide your post ( but feel free to write what is meaningful or makes sense to you). 

1. What are the three things that trigger you the most?

2.  What happens to you emotionally/physically when you are triggered?

3.  What if anything helps you to ease/stop feeling triggered?

[Bermuda]

Social situations when I am feeling not in control/controlled/dominated/or trapped.

I severely limit my exposure to news or social media, I developed an app to block me from seeing YT comments with certain words or phrases because I’m triggered by argumentation in general.

Anything startling.

It depends. I haven’t had a panic attack in ages. I usually go numb in my hands and feet, get tunnel vision and become unresponsive and I can only focus on breathing. Sometimes there is an actual memory that is triggered and that usually comes later after the emotion. I can’t continue as normal.

As for helping, time. Limiting expectations. Acceptance. Allowing myself to grieve. Posting anonymously to OOTS. When I used to have panic attacks a had a friend who suggested clenching ice cubes and it really did help oddly enough.

[NarcKiddo]

1. a) People invading my space. (coming close into my personal space or touching me, phoning me, ringing my doorbell even if it is with something being delivered that I ordered and know is coming, getting emails.) People taking, touching or moving my stuff.
    b) People getting openly angry/shouting/having altercations
    c) People changing plans at the last minute or dithering about what is to be done and then asking me for my input.

2. My emotional reaction is rage or fear or rage born of fear. I feel a surge of adrenaline, I am immediately primed for fight or flight. If that is impossible/totally inappropriate then I just shut down and freeze or dissociate as much as possible.

3. Getting the disturbance over with, the person going away, the plans finally being followed (whatever they ended up being). Reassuring myself that the angry person is not angry at me and I have done nothing to cause/deserve that anger. My reactions have become a little less extreme since starting therapy and talking through my triggers with my therapist and/or journaling and considering them.

[Armee]

Thanks Kizzie this is really helpful to have prompts like these. Actually part way through responding (sorry it is so long) I had a big new revelation.

The three things that trigger me most:
1. feeling like someone I love is going to die and it will be my fault because I've upset them in some small way. An example of this is if my therapist is going on a ski vacation I worry he will get hurt because I have upset him by sharing too much and he will be distracted and make a mistake and die. Or my mom when she was alive with all her self neglect that when she fell she'd die and it would be my fault for not stopping her from hurting herself.

2. Small rooms with closed doors, especially if someone else comes in through the door. An example is I was taking music lessons in a small studio and I was definitely on high alert and uncomfortable but was doing OK enough to keep going. But one day a mom opened the door abruptly as I was packing my instrument up because it was time for her son's lesson and I couldn't shake that terror and quit lessons shortly after that.

3. Feeling like I have misled someone - like imposter syndrome but on steroids and crack and lit on fire and thrown into the middle of a tornado.

What happens emotionally/physically

Shaking, terror, shutdown, avoidance, running away.

For #1, excessive worry and then trying to fix whatever I did wrong so the person won't die.

For #2 looking for ways to escape and being super hypervigilant and thinking "get me the * out of here" over and over and when I can't leave because of decorum then the thought switches to "I need to get out of here. I need to go away" and I dissociate. My body also gets very prickly and sweaty and I think that's why I feel so disgusting at those times. I probably am disgusting but because fight flight has been triggered.

For #3. It's similar to #2. I panic, go into flight, need to get away try to tell people I'm not the right person for the job, don't have the skills, eventually get guilted into it because people know I want to help people, and then feel a horrid sense of impending doom like I am going to die because I've misled them. I have essentially been recreating the trauma in every interaction. I think maybe at some level I am trying to get someone to say "oh thanks for letting me know you aren't the right person with the right skills. Well ask so and so." It never ever ever goes like that. But I realize now just writing this here that that is the resolution I am seeking. That would have been the thing that would have protected me from the trauma. If the men had said "oh, you're right. You won't make a good model. Thanks for letting us know. Good day to you, Miss." Wow. Thanks Kizzie. New insight for me here.

What helps?
Despite common perceptions that you don't need to understand to heal, understanding where these triggers are coming from has been hands down the most important to me. It helps me really differentiate past from present. I cannot stress enough how important this has been to my healing because it flies in the face of what I hear so much.

Other smaller but not small things are having corrective experiences, like when I was triggered once when my T left for vacation and I didn't know when he was coming back or when I'd need to start worrying that something had happened... I ended up in a literal flashback to my mom leaving when I was 15 and refusing to tell me where she was going or when she was coming back and just being terrified for hours that she had left to (kill herself). I was back in that house and feeling all those emotions vividly.

I ended up emailing my therapist really embarrassed that I needed to know when he'd be back. But he answered from the plane and told me to the hour when he'd be getting back and praised me for caring. It really helped so much to settle me down. The combination of the flashback so I could see exactly where this was coming from, and the corrective experience instead of being screamed at by my mom and being told it was "none of your * * business" being told the information and appreciated for caring. Someone who saw my fear and calmed it.

And then really physically proving to myself that I am safe. Like yesterday in therapy I was panicking because we were in an office (trigger) and normally we are outside. T asked me to please stand up and go touch the door knob, wiggle it and open the door to prove to myself I can leave. It wouldn't have been the same just to tell myself I can leave. The physical act of touching the door knob and knowing I could open it helped a lot. 

[Kizzie]

1) Hands down it is narcissists who trigger the heck out of me so you can imagine what it was like when Trump was in power.  I'm not even from the US but he had such an impact worldwide and was everywhere on the news 24/7.  I would feel extremely angry , anxious and powerless, just like when I was growing up.  I had to stop watching the news altogether (still don't watch it, just read the headlines), and I went for EMDR therapy so I could regain some objectivity and that did help thankfully.  Still can't be around N's though. Ugh.

2) Selfish, opinionated, bullying, controlling, dominating people. I just feel deep anger and want to put them in their place give half a chance.  If not I seethe for a long time basically and then it fades as life goes on.  On some occasions now I will just let it roll off my back and carry on with my day as I recognize it's a waste of time dealing with people like this.

3) Abuse of children and animals - honestly, it's so painful I just can't deal with it. I wish I could join organizations as a volunteer to help prevent abuse (i.e., might give me some sense of control), but I sense the pain would be too much. Goes right to my own deep wounds I guess.