Emotional incest and enmeshment

[Badmemories]

I am alright... really was surprised that I realized what the feeling was! 

[Milarepa]

That sounds very disturbing and disorienting.  I'm sorry that this happened to you, but I'm glad that you're figuring it out. I hope you have professional support to get you through as you make sense of what happened to you.

Are you willing to share more detail about *how* you this memory surfaced? I'm trying to decide if I want to make a project of going after memories of CSA and hearing other people's experiences has been helpful to me as I make up my mind about what to do.

[Badmemories]

Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert! Possible trigger alert!


For many years I had this feeling that I could NOT identify. It was a memory type feeling. even though it was a memory, physically sometimes I could feel it. I would go over it in My mind and wonder what the feeling was... It was not any feeling that I had actually felt during sexual intercourse, or any thing else that happened during sex but just a feeling down there that once in a while I would physically feel. It happened quit by accident that I discovered what had caused the feeling...but it was like a light bulb moment....

At that point I  realized what had caused that problem. as I said I do not know the who, when where... I was abused by My first step Dad so probably it was him...he has long been dead. He was in My life since I was one +. I did confront him when I was grown up... by then he was senile or playing senile so he had no idea what i was talking about!  Either he was in a state of denial OR I was nothing more than a toy for him. His father was also somewhat abusive as he used to french kiss me and my sister. Step Dad's sister I think was sexually abused.   

At this point I do not know what to do with this NEW information... maybe the inner child will reveal more to me at one point. I guess all this WORK I have been doing is causing things to stir in My brain. Maybe just recognizing this fact is healing in it own right?  otherwise I am just going to wait and see what comes up next!

Keep on keeping on!

[Butterfly]

Oh so terribly sorry and big hug.

Can think of no words.

[schrödinger's cat]

No words either, but I'm glad you're here and talking about it. Silence is distressing enough, if it's not voluntary. All the best for your continued recovery - it's amazing to see how much has happened in just a few weeks, and how far you've come already.   

[Badmemories]

@ be healthy.

Right now that is what I am having trouble with...how much to reveal to myself. I love this group and I am seeing great progress! I have been real resistant to buying Pete Walkers book. I have been buying the books on abuse etc. I realized this week that I am STILL buying books to help me understand OTHER people and How the abuse happened! So today I finally the  a book by Pete Walker, also
DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan PhD ABPP. although I have great links to some very good DBT/Cbt I think that it will be easier to just have a book! I need to get my printer working. but haven't.   I also ordered a journal for PS (my inner child) It was a journal that My grandaughter had and PS did not want anything else but that! so, I finally found the one she wanted  . I have been trying to Play with My grandaughter more...coloring, playing games etc. I think PS likes it. Amazing how the enmeshment did not allow me to have a childhood!

www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PKG71ZG/ref=ox_sc_act_title_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A2R7M2RFBOPP1

Keep on keepin on!