Sleeping a ton - is it too much? Anyone relate?

[Pippi]

It seems like most people struggle with not being able to sleep, and I have so much compassion for that.  During the times I've had insomnia, it was terrible.  These days, I feel lucky that once I fall asleep (not always easy, due to my nighttime anxiety), I sleep well and hard.  And long.  Lately, like REALLY long.  As my recovery work has become more intense over the past year, delving into the dark corners I have avoided for decades, my dreams have become more and more vivid  - and they are mostly neutral or slightly positive, with few nightmares.  Sleep, once I get there, is actually feeling like my refuge.  Almost like a parallel life that I live while asleep (I keep thinking of the movie, "Inception").  I feel like my sleep is actually serving as a counterbalance to the intense, often agonizing work of healing that I'm doing while awake, and that my brain is trying to process everything by sleeping for long periods.  It's extremely hard to wake up from this sleep: Even if I've been asleep for 10, 11, 12 hours, I know I could roll over and sleep more, possible for the rest of the day.  I am trying to see this as a temporary situation in which my body and brain are trying to compensate for the relentless pain and struggle I experience while awake.  I think my brain is trying to knit itself back together, into new patterns, trying to incorporate the mind-bending, life-altering ideas that I am finally encountering and truly absorbing.  And while I feel like this is probably a good thing, it also is strange and disorienting, to find myself sleeping so much.  It also feels "wrong" because I keep reading that most people with cPTSD have the opposite problem  - too little sleep.  Has anyone else experienced a period of prolonged sleep during recovery?  I know that depression can lead to a lot of sleepiness, and I may be somewhat depressed, but this sleep feels more activated and, well, "productive" than just sleeping to avoid the world. 

[Papa Coco]

Hi Pippi,

I have not experienced the too-much-sleep side effect myself, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that it is possible during the emotional healing process. It's tempting to wish I had your problem instead of my inability to sleep problem, but in reality, balance is the goal. Too little and too much sleep are both difficult to deal with.

By your report it doesn't sound like you're at risk of falling asleep while driving or anything, so hopefully this is a temporary symptom, like you say. And hopefully your therapist has seen this before and can help.

[Dante]

Hi Pippi, sounds like you are working towards healing, and that's what matters.  As Papa Coco said, so long as you're safe, this might be what you need right now.

[BeeKeeper]

Hi Pippi,

I'm weighing in with wholehearted agreement to your statement:

I am trying to see this as a temporary situation in which my body and brain are trying to compensate for the relentless pain and struggle

Personally, I totally believe that's what's happening.

Something similar happened to me when I started treatment with a nurse practitioner. She's very chipper, happy and we spend most of our 30 minute sessions laughing. All of a sudden, my "complaint" was retreating to bed and "sleeping" for long stretches. Unlike you, my sleep is light and flighty, but still some level of unconsciousness is reached. I know because when I wake up, I have to orient myself to day and time.

She suggested that it might possibly be REST, which is much needed. Since rest was not a real word or part of my vocabulary, it hit me hard, And then I saw, By George, she's RIGHT! I told her that I'd never rested and thought it was a foreign concept, but I'd give it a try to change my perspective. And I did, and she noticed, and complimented me on it.

The days of heavy rest were tinged with guilt, like you, but I got over it quickly! One thing that helps, for me is I live alone, have no animals, so it doesn't matter one bit. Another thing is that I'd spent over 20 years care taking, first my D, then 2 grandkids, then my sister, and the last one sucked all life out of me. Nothing left. Empty. I knew I needed rest, but couldn't bring myself to take it.

I attempted to fill the void with academics and college enrollment. That was "great" but around the periphery of consciousness, I realized that too was draining me of my life force. Finally, "fate" intervened through a fractured bone, and I withdrew from THAT. Now after merely 1 week of "nothing" I'm like I'm one of those dried out, flat sponges that slowly receive a couple drops of water at a time. Expanding, increasing, feeling safe, feeling calm, feeling good.

Now, I plan to take my mid afternoon 'rests' which can last from 2-4 hours. I can't say I bounce up and seize the remainder of the day, but it's made a terrific difference in how I see life. In addition, removing that critical self-judgment of guilt or wrongness put the bow on the package.

[Dante]

Wow, BeeKeeper!   Thank you for sharing that!  I resonated with the filling up the void with college classes and the like and having that drain me.   That's my experience exactly.  I'm at a turning point in my career where I'm no longer winding up, I'm winding down, and was feeling like I needed to compensate somehow.  I keep myself frantically busy as a fawn.  But I don't need more activities, I need rest!

Pippi, thanks so much for starting this thread!   I hope you too can get some much needed rest!

[Pippi]

Thank you all for your helpful replies.  And yes, I am safe and not at risk of falling asleep behind the wheel, so I think I'm going to let myself sleep - and to rest, like BeeKeeper!   I, too, struggle to rest, having been raised by people who never stopped moving, never even sat down, unless they were eating dinner or sleeping.  Even sitting down to read a book was considered "lazy" and unproductive.  (My elderly mother, who is battling cancer, still calls herself "lazy" on a regular basis because she doesn't have the energy to "get things done.")  Like BeeKeeper and Dante, I also have gone the route of taking classes, and finding other sways to "self improve," thinking that this is what will finally fill the void and make me worthy and whole - learning languages, teaching myself to play the guitar, volunteering, redecorating my house...  But these accomplishments never seem to do the trick somehow... 

For me, I think the key is that all of these "accomplishments" are just ways to not really be "with" myself and, by extension, also not "with" others.  They allow me to stay dissociated and busy, continually polishing my shiny armor to keep me safe and keep others at a safe distance.   And I don't want to do that anymore.  And: If people truly love me, do they really care how many accomplishments are on my resume or how pretty my house is? 

[Armee]

Rest sounds perfect, Pippi. And Bee I too am thankful for the perspective you provided.

I am normally on the insomnia side of the sleep symptoms and it was funny that you posted this when you did because I just slept last night for the longest in a long long time....12 hours and I too wanted to go right back to bed straight away and then all day long. I even fell asleep on the stairs this afternoon. I think my body and brain are finally ready to just rest. It doesn't feel like depression which I feel more as not wanting to get up but being awake. But who knows I never really identified with depression even though I think many would look at me and think I was.

[Pippi]

So glad you got a good long sleep, Armee. I hope all of us can continue to get some good rest!