Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Surivors-Janina Fisher

[BeeKeeper]

The sub-title of the book is Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Routledge, an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, copyright 2017

This book first came to my attention through another forum member, months ago. A copy finally came into my hands through the liberal policies of a community college I attend. Since I read most of this horizontal, it's hard to make notes, and reference specific pages. I hope to change that in the future. For now, I will post ideas, concepts and or word bites that get my attention and change the way I've seen things.

9/9/2021 My thoughts and interpretations

The strategy of people pleasing is linked to the idea of loyalty.
At first, I was stopped dead in my tracks by the word "loyalty", then considered the relationship between the strategic skill and the lofty ideal. Loyalty is a core value for me, I provide it to others and look for it myself. Sticking to that value in the face of repeated disappointments, cruelty and neglect has confused and discouraged me, and I often wondered if loyalty should be the way I perceived it.

The answer is no. Loyalty is earned and deserved. Setting aside parental feelings of "no matter what", the idea that loyalty is a continuous, authentic, unified state of behavior, it makes sense to me that true loyalty is the admiration and reciprocity of shared personal investment.

The threat of the child to survive living without nurturing turns to finding ways to get and maintain attention from the care-giver lack. The coping skill morphs into pleasing those same people, in order to gain some sense of predictability and safety. When these strategies are intermittently rewarded, the "right brain" child misinterprets this as loyalty and success. Lacking the energy, will or emotional maturity to distinguish between temporary gratification, the child decides, this is good enough and rests in the idea of loyalty. (My own understanding-not an author explanation)

[BeeKeeper]

A chart in Chapter 4: Learning to See our "Selves": An Introduction to Working with Parts

The attached chart in Figure 4.2 Recognizing Parts by the Role they Play contains
Fight
Flight
Freeze Submit
Attach

headings with descriptions

[BeeKeeper]

From page 88 in this book Fisher writes: (verbatim, I've broken one paragraph into 3 for easier reading)

"In this example and many others, the solution to what could have been a life-or death-crisis results from a comforting reparative experience being offered to the vulnerable little part. A compassionate normal life self is asked to take the lonely, ashamed, hopeless child parts "under her wing," communicating a sense of care and protection. Even if the client is struggling with compassion, the visual image of the arms encircling the young parts evokes positive sensations in the client's body: warmth, protectiveness, a smile, the impulse to move toward the drawing and thus the parts.

The advantage of the diagrams is the ability to introduce something foreign and potentially challenging through non-verbal communication. Had I asked his client to say, "I will take care of you," to the younger parts, I might have received the answer: "No, I don't want to take care of all of them!" But when I draw the arms and describe the intervention as a gesture, "See what happens when you take these young parts under your wing so they aren't so overwhelmed and scared," no client protests.

As I speak, I make a gesture with my right arm as if taking someone under my wing, and I repeat the gesture each time I say the words, "under your wing." The somatic communication speaks directly to to parts themselves. The left brain, specializing in words, may react negatively to the verbal communication but cannot block the somatic message intended for the right brain. (Gazzaniga, 1985) The younger parts can "feel" the wing in the drawing and in my gesture."

The attachment is a screenshot of a screenshot! Hope it goes through-no other way, since the book has been returned to the library.

[Pippi]

BeeKeeper, thanks for sharing your thoughts as you read this book.  I read it a few months ago, and appreciate getting the reminders.  I think I need to read it again, as there's so much useful information to absorb.  I find this to be the case for many of my favorite healing books - each time I re-read them, I get something new from them.   

And based on what you just quoted, this emoji comes to mind!:

[BeeKeeper]

Pippi,

I'm glad you were already acquainted with Fisher's book. When I sense that an author has "the answer" I approach very gingerly and it takes me time to dig out those nuggets. Thanks for the appreciation and your presence here on the forum.