Needing a break

[bluepalm]

I've recently had a disappointment in therapy. My doctor recommended a psychologist who was trauma aware. However, although he was a kind  man, he was intent on proceeding with schema therapy, which I felt was not appropriate for addressing my central symptom, my grief.

However, from that brief experience I've taken away a new resolve to tackle my strong tendency to fall into rumination and to rely on avoidance of people and of TV/movies to protect me from being triggered.

As a result, I feel I need to take a break from OOTS for a while. I need to concentrate on being actively 'in the moment', inviting new stimulation and ceasing to ruminate on my trauma or to consider others' traumatic experiences.

I'm sure I will be back because this forum has been central to my healing process. However, for the moment I need a rest.

Meanwhile, I thank Kizzie and all those who contribute to this kind and caring space.

[Blueberry]

Sounds like good self-care, bluepalm. In fact, I could take a leaf out of your book.

[Kizzie]

Good self-care as BB says Bluepalm. So sorry to hear your T didn't work out, I can hear how disappointing it is. WE need T's to listen more to us and what we need/want. 

We'll be here when you come back.

[Dante]

Hi bluepalm, take care of yourself.

[bluepalm]

My healing process has twisted and turned recently. I left this Forum feeling I needed a break. I went through a period of not wanting to think about my trauma or its consequences. However, I recently turned to my GP for help when I started flailing emotionally again and then had another disappointment in trying a new therapist.

However, from all this I have a renewed sense of strength. And I now wish to return to this kind community to share my thoughts with others.

I'm reading Pete Walker's books with renewed attention and huge gratitude. Of all the extensive reading I have done on trauma, his writing resounds with me most strongly. It feels most true to my life experience.

And, taking up a suggestion I found in Beverley Engel's 'It Wasn't Your Fault', I'm starting to write something new. Not a journal this time, but a story of my journey through life for my grandchildren, told as if in a children's story book (Once upon a time a baby was born...) . I'm finding this exercise is helping me to break through the 'ordinariness' of my experience. It's all I know so it feels so familiar to me. But told as if by a storyteller, it's bringing up emotions of grief, rage and shock at what I experienced. I am sure this will be a healing endeavour.

And I'm feeling so glad that I want to be actively back on this Forum. Thank you to Kizzie and everyone for still being here!
bluepalm. 

[Armee]

 

[Kizzie]

So glad to have you back Bluepalm, I've missed you 

[woodsgnome]

Hi again, bluepalm. Your contributions here have always told your story quite eloquently, honestly, and were missed. So it's good to see you back, bringing out your story as you walk further along this trail. 

[Not Alone]

welcome back, Bluepalm.

[bluepalm]

Thank you to you all for welcoming me back so warmly! 

[Kizzie]

 

[Bodhi_§]

It all sounds very familiar what you are going through BluePalm. Grief is a unique journey and if you want to talk about that you should. If the T insists on going to schema-therapy, which can be helpfull, but you don't, than just call up another T who will counsel you with your grief.

When my father, the narcissitic psychopath, died last summer, I read a little childrens book about handling grief. It helped me a lot, because my little me needed that.

It's great to have you here  

[Kizzie]

  

[bluepalm]

Thank you for your support Bodhi and Kizzie.