digging out of the muck

[sanmagic7]

thanks, larry and armee.  i appreciate you being with me.  i think it helped a lot - i made a breakthrough.   

it felt really good to know that, too, notalone.  thanks for being here,

after a month and more than 8 sessions of working on this pregnancy issue w/ my ex, i was finally able to put it mostly to rest yesterday.  we've been tackling this issue for so long, in so many different ways, breaking it down into individual pieces, but the image never altered.  it was as if when i'd look at that particular period in my life, the image that encompassed that pregnancy took up my entire field of vision.  i hadn't been able to either move it or reduce it at all, which made it extremely difficult to get it out of the way and stop triggering me so badly.

yesterday during session, using both eye movements and flash technique, i finally watched it diminish in size, explode a couple time, then float away, getting smaller and smaller each time i looked at it.  today, it's nearly a speck off in the distance, and i feel no bodily sensations when thinking of it.  what a friggin' relief!  my legs are ok today, too, which is another relief.  i'm glad i persevered with this - thru all the emotional and physical pain attached to this image, it is so worth it to not have that hanging over my mind anymore.  some of my horrible hate-filled feelings toward him have been lessened as well. 

it's been a terrible month with this crapola, but so worth it right now.  thank you all for your support as i've gone thru this.

[Armee]

 




Oh I am so so happy for you!!! I also really appreciate you sharing how long it can take of focused work for just one piece to lose its hold.

Hooray for resolution and functioning legs!!!!

[Snowdrop]

Well done San! Delighted for you.
and

[sanmagic7]

thanks for all the cheers and hugs, armee. love it!

thanks for your delight, snowdrop. 

one other thing i wanted to mention about yesterday.  later in the day, after the session, i could feel my brain making the adjustment to sending that image flying instead of holding onto it in such a heavy, concrete form.  i was a little shaky during this adjustment period, but never lost my legs.  just felt a bit off center - that image and the hatred that went with it has been hounding me for more than 40 yrs.  it's a little weird not to have it stuck there, to be able to wave it away easily, but this is so much better.  the brain is an awesome mechanism, but this experience proves to me that it's malleable and can be healed. 

[Armee]

Malleable and can be healed. ..and also that is takes a whole lot of work, effort, and help. We CAN get over it but we can't "just" get over it.

[sanmagic7]

well said, armee.  i've got a smile on after reading that.  thanks. 

[Hope67]

Hi SanMagic,
That is great that you've experienced such a shift in mindset - I agree that the brain is awesome, and I wanted to send you a big hug, 
Hope 

[sanmagic7]

thank you so much, hope, and i love that big hug.  back atcha

will be starting a new journal - i've been keeping mine to a limit of 25 pages, and this is it.  thanks to all the responses, caring, and kindness of everyone.