1 Year

[Master of my sea]

Tomorrow will be one year since I last had a drink. I am proud of this
I didn't struggle with alcohol in the sense that I had an addiction, but I can link it to so many traumatic moments in my life. To so many moments that would have played out differently had alcohol not been involved. After the birth of my son and the events that came to pass afterwards, I began to realise just how unhealthy my relationship with alcohol had become. I was drinking far more than I should have been and after what happened in the summer of 2019, I drank even more. I realised I was using alcohol to cover my feelings and I realised just how unsafe I was, my surroundings were, when I was drinking.
It took a while to get to not drinking entirely but as my mental health got worse, the less I wanted to drink.
My partner at the time, did/does have a problem with alcohol and there have been many arguments where he has been drunk and many occasions where just being around someone drunk became triggering for me.

Alcohol played a large role in my life growing up. It played a big role in my Mums life too when she was a kid, so it seems to have just continued on. So many occasions ruined by people getting too drunk and arguments happening.
We were the party family in some respects. If we were throwing a party, all of our mates wanted to come because we threw good parties. But the family parties, they were often marred by drunken arguments and fights. I used to get so anxious about family gatherings when I knew alcohol was involved. Always watching and assessing everyone, just looking for the smallest change in expression or tone. Anything that would indicate a storm was brewing. Not all of these events were disasters and had these problems, but so many were.

Making the decision to not drink anymore wasn't necessarily a conscious one. I had a drink with my ex on his birthday last year (we were still together). We had a lovely evening but after that, every time I was offered a drink, I just didn't want it. I would much rather have a coffee.
I did stop drinking once before, years ago but it was much harder then. I was surrounded by alcohol and most of the people I knew at the time would push and push for me to drink with them. Or they would make jokes about me because I didn't want to drink. I was so often the butt of jokes, and I didn't need to add this to the list. Now, I'm virtually alone. I do not have friends, I do not socialise. There are 3 people I speak to and have any physical contact with. I have no one pressuring me to drink or making jokes about the fact that I do. When I finally re-enter society (if I ever fully do) I will feel more confident in telling people no if they were to insist I have a drink. I will have done it long enough by then that I don't think anyone could convince me to. I don't think anyone could now to be fair.

I watched my Mum try and drink her depression away as a kid. She was often drunk, not fall over drunk, she could function but many nights I was aware that she had maybe had a little too much. I love my Mum dearly and I know she was fighting her own demons and battles but I was determined to not let my son see me like that. I could have so easily gone that way. It seems to run in my family, both my Nan and my Uncle had/have problems with alcohol.

I'm just glad I have got this far and I didn't allow it to take over, like it so easily could have.

[milkandhoney11]

That's such an amazing achievement, Master of my Sea! I hope you're really proud of yourself.
I always feel like there is a lot of pressure in this society to drink, otherwise people get suspicious or see you as a bore. And if you've grown up in a family where alcohol has had such a big influence, it is even harder to stop drinking for good.
So, really, really well done! 

[Master of my sea]

Thank you M&H. I am proud of myself so I will join you in that cheer

There is so much pressure to drink. Alcohol seems to equate to social for a lot of people. I'm not saying this is the healthiest but by being isolated and low to no contact with most of FOO and having no friends, I haven't had that pressure or expectation. I don't miss it that's for sure.

[Papa Coco]

Master of my Sea!

Congratulations!  That is HUGE!   I'm very proud of you for making the decision to buck the social system and stop drinking.

I think I've told you I'm in recovery. Nine years ago, on Mother's Day in May, I shared a final bottle of wine with my wife--or maybe I shared one bottle with her, then drank a few more on my own--and the next day I put myself into rehab. Like you, in order to remain off the alcohol, I've had to limit who I spend time with and where.

I wear my sobriety like a badge of honor. It's fine with me when my wife and friends choose to have a glass of wine once in a while. I drink soda water with splashes of fruit juice if I need to have a drink in my hand, but I will NOT attend events, or stay close with friends who make drinking the center point of their events.

I know how bad events go when the third glass is poured. At work events, I often was forced to attend large work dinners with customers, peers and partners. I saw clearly how one drink was fine. Two drinks was the transition, and when my peers and partners ordered their third drink, it was over. The volume of the room rose massively. Everyone was talking and no one was listening. They were laughing, but I couldn't see them having anything funny to laugh about. That was when I could sneak out unnoticed. (Especially before all of them got in their cars and hit the roads).

So, from me to you, Congratulations for breaking the cycle in your family. It started long before you came along, but it ended with you. That's something to be super proud of.

[Master of my sea]

Thank you, Papa Coco!

9 years is amazing! Well done to you! You should wear it like a badge of honour, absolutely.

Alcohol is so central to so much, it's like people don't know how to do things anymore without having a drink.
I always start getting anxious around people who are drinking once they get to their third drink. You're right, it's like it's the tipping point. Also, certain drinks seem to have a nasty effect on people.

The drinking within my own family has changed drastically over the years, as my siblings have started their own families or focused on their careers, etc. This does make me happy as it is definitely not as prevalent in my family anymore. One of my sisters didn't drink for years but even she has been tempted back into a bit more,
I don't want my son to grow up around it like I did. I want him to see and learn that you don't have to be drunk to enjoy yourself, in fact things are often more enjoyable when alcohol isn't involved, ime.

Thank you again.