Recovery notes nov 22

[jamesG.1]

So... after a bit f turbulence, I've noticed a major uplift in my recovery.

I think there has to be a depressive stage as the C-PTSD lifts where you are effectivly mourning the life you would have had without the trauma. Looking back now it's very clear that life would have been very different and i think I've had a patch where the anger at my family and partner for the unecessary pain and trouble that they dragged me into left a real sense of loss.

Well finally that seems to be lifting. It may be in part down to my medication, but I do also think that I've passed the period of resignation and loss and am able to finally face forward into the rest of my life, warts and all.

Time makes a huge difference, of course, but its much more about squaring things away and letting go of a need for vindication. I know that will never happen, and whilst I've understood that for a while, I don't think I'd made my peace with it until now. People are fading from view, and I'm ready to let them go, not because I've failed in anyway, but because I owe it to my present to populate my life with new actors and new landscapes.

Also, the sheer effort I put into getting out of trouble financially and materially is showing fruit. Lockdown definitly delayed this and contributed to that awful feeling of being becalmed while the fresh water ran out, but now the sails are strating to fill with the breeze my flapping wings have made over the last 5 years.

This has meant I can ease off and do a bit of self-care finally. Surviving c-ptsd is an epic drain of health and energy and frankly, I'm amazed things are not worse bodily. I was dog tired. But now I have a wave of little windfalls coming in and uplifting shoots of green in the ash field.

Go me.

C-PTSD does go, truly it does. If you play it right there will be rewards too. Keep your eyes on the prize.

[Papa Coco]

James

Good to hear you're having a better time now. Such a relief to be lifting up out of the dark waters.

I hope to hear more from you as you realize more and more success.