Heal

[tryingtokeepmoving]

TW SA

I wish to wash my hands of you, be free and finally me, but you are here and there and everywhere, in my eyes and holes and teeth

From the marrow to my seed

watching me change you told me you made me
that it was ok to parade me
that it was ok to fillet me
that I was just another part of you
to torture to please to be thrown down and chewed

Your epic hands around my waist
I wish I wasn't any place
any place that time could tell
at least I'd be away from *

Your fluids flowing off the map I see the white wall staring back
I see the paint stained across my hands
I see the future buried in sand

Hiding in plain sight, I am, hiding in plain sight I am, trying not to let my secrets spill, trying not to be your thrill
I'd chop your hands off for me to hold them, the safest way I'd know to know them
the only way I'm free of you, is when we are both through

It'd be easier, if you hadn't shown us the sunset
said to remember this when we were sad
How angry I am that you could also be bad

You kept us secret so we wouldn't know
That there was more places to go
to find love and protection
to be cared for without misdirection
You told me lies
now I know you were just scared to be left behind

hide behind your mound of trash, you had the option not to be trash, I guess your life is your punishment, both of you deserve punishment, I sorry you were made this way, I'll make it my life's work not to be the same

There is a place inside my essence, a closet I was locked in, no literally,
there way no light in there, so full of stuff it felt like no air,
what we kids did to pass the time
I don't think I ever want to find

A softest place I am alone, all alone, no one home
there I can live and breathe, and not be used and not be seen
and become a monster still, whose use of power turns the till
until it becomes a loop
a noose a neck
a future loose

remember when you taught me how
my necklace could be used to kill
me when I was on the ground,
you showed me
how I could die
and my mom ran off
when you would apologize and often cry
it left no room for me to be
anything other than a comfort to your apologies

Remember when you used to hurt use, call us names and betray us
and then you'd come and say sorry, say your dad had taught you poorly, that things were even worse for you
you used to tickle us until we smiled, don't you know it wasn't true
make us say 'I love you too'
nothing that you're forced to do
is ever true
I taught my body, how to control its reflexes, all this i did in spite of you, how happy I was to frustrate you,
not give you what you wanted
but now I carry my winces in my bones, and old warrior, all alone, to live out their last days, though I'm only 28


remember when it didn't stop
not even when I told my mom
remember how she apologized, said he'd still have to check between my thighs
for bugs when I played outside
and remember when his breathing varied, fingers up where they shouldn't be carried, remember when you said with a stare:
"There aren't any bugs in there"

you stole my life and memories
I hate you for it my enemies
you were my family so I was told
and that all together we'd grow old
and just that thought of knowing You, was enough to make me think I was through, of life and everything in it,
where was I to go?
The best place we are told is home

[Armee]

 

[Hope67]

 

[woodsgnome]

Powerful, the unspoken truths we have to find just to be loved and cared for. Sometimes it's just so hard to try again   

Yet -- here it is; without trying, without the human put-downs, we can live our own way forward.

Thank you, tryingtokeepmoving, for putting words to otherwise blind rage ... and still somehow ... surviving as we build anew.

[tryingtokeepmoving]

Thank you for replies, I'm finding the rhyming helps me not overthink what I'm writing, I'm too busy trying to think up a rhyme.

[Papa Coco]

That's awesome.

And I like what you said about how rhyming helps you from overthinking.