Needing connection

[Justmee]

Hello, I'm nervously reaching out to find a sense of much needed connection.
I've been very self compassionate with all the challenges, and all the complexity of healing from childhood neglect (from infancy). Domestic violence and other traumatic events ( The layers, and layers of unraveling and applying new behaviours and responses. ) .
I have experienced on going traumas most of my life but recently ( last year)  I have experienced, another one whereby my daughter was killed in a motorbike incident. 

So I have experienced such an intense time with loss of friends, lack of support and my 2 youngest children and I, were homeless during this time of tragedy.
The lack of support at a time when I really needed it, added another layer of grief and sadness. I'm struggling with the overlay of emotions.

So to remedy these feelings I moved location, found a new job ( after not working for so long)  and fortunately a place to live. However I'm still emotionally isolating myself. I feel frozen and I know that isolation is an unhealthy long term solution - so I thought I would join this community.
Thanks for listening.

[Armee]

Hi,

I'm glad you are here. Your losses are  devastating and it would be understandable to sink into a hole and isolate completely. It takes a lot of love and will to reach out and I hope this community is a good stepping stone on your path. This place has really helped me. Welcome.

[Justmee]

Thank you.
I appreciate your time to reply.
Thank you for your validation of my losses. The depth of grief  feels impossible to navigate at times and I feel alone in it.
People and life carry on. I do understand that people don't know what to say or do. because they feel awkward, but that isn't helping me right now. I've always been there for people in their darkest times so I can't fully grasp it.

[Kizzie]

Hello and a very warm welcome to OOTS Justmee, I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter and all that you have gone through.  I'm glad you reached out here and I hope you will find that sense of connection you're looking for. Freezing is a common response to trauma and maybe being here will help add warmth to your life, a bit at a time   

[Hope67]

Hi Justmee,
Welcome and I am glad you have joined this place. 
I am sorry to hear about your losses.  The death of your daughter - I am so sorry.
Hope

[Not Alone]

Justmee, I am so, so sorry for your loss.

[Justmee]

Thank you for all your replies. Tonight my anxiety is bad. My poor nervous system doesn't know what to do. So many intense emotions and inner turmoil tonight. There's no where to run or hide. I'm tired and trying to hold things together. I feel like I'm going to burst ☹️

[Armee]

Just keep trying to let it out slowly. Holding it in does tend to lead to bursting. You have a lot of pain to grapple with inside. So much. I'm glad you've come here to let a little tiny tiny bit out on the screen. Safe hugs if they are helpful to you.

[Kizzie]

   Group hug which I hope helps with your anxiety and doesn't make it worse.  If so please ignore.

[Papa Coco]

Hi Justmee,

Welcome to this forum.

I'm saddened by what happened to your daughter, and of all the struggles you've been through with homelessness and returning to work after not working for so long. I'd like to offer a virtual hug: 

I agree with you that isolating is a poor long-term solution, but isolating is where most of us go after traumatic experiences. (I'm trying very hard to stop isolating right now. It's not easy. But I'm taking baby steps out of my little hiding place).

This forum is a good place to start. For a year and a half, I've been a member here and I've made some cherished virtual friendships that have given me a great deal of comfort. I sincerely hope you are able to feel that same type of comfort through the folks here on the site.  Isolation is one of the hot topics we discuss a lot. It seems to be a common pull for us trauma survivors to find safety in being alone.

I encourage you to keep testing the waters here. There are some super good people on this forum.