Letter to my not any more sister

[Saluki]

I wonder if you actually don't know how much you hurt me? I really do wonder.

I think you probably realise how angry I am with you. I let your inability to understand danger slide way too many times. I didn't let your inability to protect even your own children from danger slide, but you never listen. You waft around in a cloud of rainbow unicorn fairy dust flapping your broomstick and burying your head in a pile of other people's misery.

I'm sick of just being a sideline amongst your countless waifs and strays. I'm sick of having to stick up for your kids and my kids and my stepkids because of your Pollyanna enabling of a sweeping variety of nasty people you let into your life and therefore mine.

When I had to stick up for your eldest because your husband was treating her like a two year old when she was fifteen, instead of actually listening, you threatened to end our friendship. You and your husband have neglected and abused your kids albeit unwittingly, yet you preach like it's me in the wrong for pointing it out in a gentle and supportive way.

I'm not up for hanging out with someone who stays friends with paedophiles and chooses to believe them over witness accounts from myself and the kids. No. When are you going to stick up for your kids against your husband? Does he abuse you? An old mutual friend certainly thought he was nasty to you and I agree. If he's abusive I don't think you can see it because I have given you a thousand chances to speak out like I did to you when you refused to help me escape DV. Afterwards you basically told me you didn't believe me.

Is that why you passed on creepy messages from my diagnosed psychopath ex? You really are blind and deaf with perfect hearing and 20/20 vision to have behaved so disgustingly.

I fing loved you like a sister. You betrayed me over and over again and I kept letting it go because it's you and you're so lovely.

Thing is, you're lovely to ANYONE.

Our mutual friend who I went zero contact with used you as a conduit to hurt me and my family for 6 years.

SIX YEARS you pretended to be my friend so she could use you like a disgusting little flying monkey.

Well I'm writing this so I can drain the last drops of love for you out of my system. Wring them out in all their sorry, limp glory.

I can't help thinking of you as that happy cheerful person who I always forgave because we were supposed to be chosen family.

Well I choose to cut you off because you turned out to be just like my mother in so many ways.

No wonder most of your kids don't speak to you, and there was me like a divvy trying to see the positives from their childhoods. Sure, let's pretend nothing bad ever happened so we can waft round in fairy dust.

I hope you figure things out. I always said you only ever have good, kind, genuine intentions but even so, you can't love everyone. Some people need to be told to eff off because they're hurting you.

When you've figured out why I don't want people like you in my life and done a tonne of therapy, I welcome your reply.

 

[Saluki]

Why do I feel like a **** for writing this? Because she seemed to be this wonderful kind exciting person who actually cared. I really did adopt her and her family as my substitute family.

But it became impossible.

She's really suffering with what I'm 100% sure is CPTSD in some form, but the way it manifests itself means that she refuses to see negative things in case they break her, she refuses to see danger or bad intention in others even when I explain in detail that someone has hurt me or someone close, or her, or any of our kids.

I tried to only see good intention in her: in fact I could only see good intention. But all the good intentions in the world can still hurt and to be honest, I've felt like she is either blind and deaf to my cries for help in a very difficult and important situation, or she's completely uncaring about it, or worse, she's been vile on purpose.

Either way, it's time to protect my family.

Her bs has been going on 6 years. And other bs happened previous too.

I look back and see control and cruelty and neglect.

Grrrrrrr.