It’s all new but makes so much sense!

[Kupo]

Hi everyone!
I was diagnosed with PTSD a long time ago because of abuse from my father. The thing is I don't quite remember details, but I definitely have a certain response to situations. I also have the mindset that being intimate is dirty, but I can't pinpoint why.
My therapist recently started talking about CPTSD and that makes so much more sense.
Aside from the abuse I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when I was 11. I had kids make fun of me when I was on steroids, but teachers were even worse. I wonder if that contributes to this stuff, too.
I could go on, but I just wanted to introduce myself! I'm happy to have found you guys!
Kupo 

[Blueberry]

Hi Kupo,
Welcome to the forum!

I was first diagnosed with symptoms: depression, anxiety... and a whole lot more. It was so frustrating that I worked so much on myself but didn't get significantly better. But then when a therapist mentioned cptsd and gave me some stuff to read on trauma-informed therapy, it all started to make so much more sense!

Yes, other kids making fun of you and teachers treating you badly would normally contribute. With cptsd it's cumulative. You don't have a chance to heal from the first traumas and then more come...

Sorry you need us, but since you do, glad you found us. This is a very supportive and informative forum.

[Moondance]

 

A warm welcome to you Kupo!

I too was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression.  I have been in therapy most of my adult life, always searching for answers. 

A couple years ago I was diagnosed with CPTSD but did not understand exactly what that meant at the time.  I was told that the unresolved CPTSD required trauma therapy to possibly recover.  My therapist suggested I search, reach out online for like minded people to help with isolation, etc, etc and I found OOTS. 

I have found this forum to be very supportive and there is a wealth of information here.

Wishing you well through your journey Kupo.

[Papa Coco]

Hi Kupo,

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found it. It's been a safe and nurturing place for me for over a year and a half now and I hope you find it be good for you too.

To your comments about wondering if the bullying you took at school contributed to your CPTSD; I believe it did. I was abused by selfish parents and narcissistic elder siblings at home, then, at 7 years of age, was abused at school by an adult male. As I retreated deeper and deeper into my own, safe, imaginary world, the kids and teachers at my catholic school started noticing that I was disconnecting. So naturally, they all jumped on the bandwagon, labeled me a freak, and spent almost my entire childhood treating me like I was a disease of some kind. I absolutely, whole-heartedly know, that my lifelong trauma responses were caused by a million small cuts that kept coming, from home, school and church, for many, many years, rather than from one big train crash. The way I was treated by an entire school, who, btw, convinced me that even God hated me, absolutely, without question, deepened the suffering I've lived with CPTSD.

So, yeah. I believe that the abuse you took at school for having arthritis contributed in a heavy way to the lifelong trauma responses you have been dealing with.

I'm glad you found this forum, as a place where you can talk or read about people's struggles without having to explain yourself. My non-traumatized friends are kind, but they don't understand why, at 62 years of age, I still feel the pain from what was done 5 decades ago. But here, on this forum, I don't have to worry that people don't understand me. We all get it. And the support here is excellent. So many caring people have joined, and I feel less and less afraid of sharing my personal issues all the time.

There are too many threads in this forum for me to check them all every day, so I usually spend most of my time in this thread, welcoming new members, and in the Recovery Journals thread, which is located in the Treatment & Self-help block of threads, sort of in the very center of all the threads posted.

Welcome to the forum!

[Not Alone]

Hi Kupo. A warm welcome to you. 

[Blueberry]

There are too many threads in this forum for me to check them all every day, so I usually spend most of my time in this thread, welcoming new members, and in the Recovery Journals thread, which is located in the Treatment & Self-help block of threads, sort of in the very center of all the threads posted.

For you Kupo (and maybe even for Papa Coco), if you go to the top right hand corner of screen, you'll see Recent Unread Topics and Updated Topics. I see 3 in the former atm and one page of about 20 in the latter, with further pages going back date-wise that I could choose to look through if I really wanted. The latter shows each mbr threads where they have posted. Recent Unread shows both threads I've posted in and threads I haven't posted in.  I check both Recent Unread and Updated when I come on the forum with at least a cursory glance. This way I see fairly quickly what posts I might want to read and have the benefit of seeing potentially interesting posts that are not in my habitual threads.

For you Kupo, it'll be the other way round atm: not much under Updated Topics and a whole page of Recent Unread! Hope to see you around the forum

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome. I am sorry you find yourself in need of a community such as this, but glad you have found us.

I am sure the kids teasing you would have contributed to your trauma, and the teachers doing so to would undoubtedly have contributed, in my opinion. The teachers, as adults, were supposed to protect you and it seems they did anything but. So you would appear to have very little (if any) experience of a trusted adult looking after a vulnerable child. I am sorry you had to endure this.

As a matter of interest, I have recently read a couple of books which suggest that diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis are prevalent in those who have suffered trauma and may be a manifestation of trauma. Both books were interesting to me and I found them valuable to read.

"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van Der Kolk
"When the Body Says No" by Gabor Mate.