Continuation of Repairing the Harm Done to US: Acknowledgment, Apology and Amen

[Chart]

Dante, do you talk to your inner child? Do you contradict the lies and false beliefs of the past to your inner child? (Sorry, NM = Natural Mother?)

[Kizzie]

I'm with you Dante, I tried hard never to become abusive too and I wasn't but I did yell on occasion but then this picture would pop up in my mind of my NM crying and us comforting her after she had come at us. So, I made sure my son knew it was me and not him. As he got older I explained more about CPTSD and apologized for anything I might have done or not done that had hurt him, again just to ensure he understands what trauma is, how it can affect people and that it was not because he was "bad" and it was not his fault. He's now finishing up year 3 in medicine and I think he will take those messages with him to how he deals with his patients and for that matter coworkers.

[Dante]

NM = narcissist mother.

Sorry - didn't get my whole reply.

I am at a point in my recovery where I no longer believe or internalize the lies I was fed to ensure compliance.  It's taken me a lot of work to get here, but I feel pretty good about where I am.  I still get emotional flashbacks that set me back, but I no longer live there.

What I still struggle with is replacing who I was told to be with who I want to be.  I've removed the programming that told me who I should be, but at the moment, I'm trying to write new programming.  Nature abhors a vacuum, so I fall back to unhealthy ways of filling time.  But I've made a lot of progress with internalizing, thanks in no small part to everyone here. 

[Lakelynn]

When I make a mistake, I own it. I don't let them think it's their fault when I'm messed up.

This right here is the answer going forward with our families and ourselves. We have in our homes a whole new generation that is forming their view of the world.

I suspect as adults we will continue to struggle with expectations, apologies and repair, the consequences of their harm and the way it continues to show up unexpectedly or the way we try to contain it by changing OUR behavior. It is a different issue entirely to view our children and grandchildren. A true opportunity.