Need advice?

[LanaBanana]

I don't know where I should post this or if this matters at all, but I'm facing a dilemma and I don't know what I should do. I am taking some summer classes at my university and it's been rather hard to deal with my panic attacks and follow my courses. This one particular course, although really interesting, demands a lot of work (a lot of papers, etc.) I've had problems and anxiety with writing academic papers due to some of my FOO's abuse (I come from a strict family of academics) and have talked about it a bit with my T. I feel that I took on too much of a work load by signing up to this class, and I don't know if I should drop out or not (there can be no refund at this point, but I have no academic penalties if I withdraw from the class). It also seems that the professor triggers me, and I've had to leave the class a couple of times because of panic attacks.

I don't know if this is a stupid subject, but what should I do? Should I withdraw from the class or should I continue it? 
Feeling a bit overwhelmed... I'm sorry if this post seems whiny 

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi LanaBanana,

I don't have an advise for you. I can only say that it's often a hard call to drop something. But there is no shame in quitting. In Dutch we have a saying "Better turned around halfway than get lost all the way." But I know from personal experience how hard it can be to turn around half-way and back up on your track.

I would take out the "no refund" from the equation. In matters like this money should not be of much concern. You are considering your wellbeing in this course, and probably thats the only thing you should decide your decision on.

Good luck contemplating what feels best. I don't know how pressed you are for time in this, but sometimes it can help to make a personal private trial-decision and sit with that for a day or two. If you feel good with the trial-decision you still have the option to make it final or spend a day or to trying the other option and then decide.

[LanaBanana]

Thank you Dutch Uncle!   
My FOO often held financial matters over my head and made me feel like a burden for taking up all their money. I think I still feel like this and I am very much terrified of wasting money 

Thank you for your kind words, it's very much appreciated. 

[Dutch Uncle]

My FOO often held financial matters over my head and made me feel like a burden for taking up all their money. I think I still feel like this and I am very much terrified of wasting money 

I know the feeling.

[LanaBanana]

Thank you Dutch Uncle!   

[LanaBanana]

Hi Artemis23,
Thank you so much for these kind words, this is exactly what I needed to hear    This just made my day 

[Three Roses]

Hmm ... could you talk to the college and tell them that professor triggers you? Maybe there are other options available - like, postponement? Idk, just an idea. 

[LanaBanana]

Three Roses, because it's a spring-summer session, the class is a lot shorter and more condensed. I don't think there are any other options available, as the class is ending very soon (it was only a couple of weeks long due to the short session). I know that, given my schedule, I can always take up another class to fill that requirement.

Thank you for the advice! 

[chairmanmeow]

Personally im stubborn, I fall apart, this destroys me, is become a bit of a way of life.
I refuse to fall back if I can help it, I want to change the name of Facebook to Streesor but I dont delete people that trigger me and I deal with the horrible flashback inducing memories app you cant escape from.
I take all the horrible and try not to hide, nurture avoidance, I treat every episode as an opportunity to try without expecting myself to make it through, if I fall then I am what I am because like for me is something pointless to escape from.
The down side of the down side is feeling like * starts to become not worth the efforts.
The upside is I find myself more resilient even if absent, conditioning myself to carry on to spite of feeling lie im coming unglued.
I think it only is working though because I dont force myself I give it a go and allow myself room to fail because to me not letting myself try is the worst failure, and Im going to feel sick over it all either way.
In your case I cant even imagine trying to write papers in that foggy haze following a panic though, Im sorry that really is awful     

[LanaBanana]

Thank you Chairmanmeow, writing is quite foggy for me and it's something I am very anxious about because of my Narcissistic F. I am trying to work on other things concerning recovery, but writing is one thing I have yet to tackle. Thanks for the support!