New from the Uk

[Marv180]

Hi, this is my first post, I'm from the UK. I guess I've joined because I'm at the point in my life where I've finally gone no contact with most of my family (still have contact with eldest sister who has formally been diagnosed with CPTSD) and I need to start a therapy that is more trauma focused. I've had more general counselling to help cope with anxiety and that helped me to address a lot from my upbringing as not being ok. I recently got married (my husband is amazingly supportive ) and I've realised I need to tell my mother in law all about what my parents were really like. MIL is the absolute opposite of what my mother was and I have always resisted telling her too much as I know it will hurt her to know and she will struggle to understand, but in order to allow her to get closer to me, my husband really wants me to tell her. Sorry for the long post, it's a lot to say.

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome. I'm from the UK, too.

Clearly you must do what is right for you, but I would advise you to really think carefully about whether and what you need to tell MIL. Your needs have to come first. You say you have recently married (congratulations!) but how long was the relationship before the marriage? And how long have you been doing therapy after realising what the problems were with your upbringing? These are not questions I am expecting you to answer here but I think you need to bear them in mind when deciding how much to tell MIL. Your husband may well think it would help you, and if you have already had a long relationship and know MIL closely then he might be right. If you are planning more therapy then you might think about waiting to feel comfortable with the therapist and then see what they think about this idea. First and foremost, whatever you tell MIL should be because you feel it would be helpful to you.

I hope you will benefit from your time on the forum - I am sure you will, as I have found everyone to be very supportive. See you round.

[Moondance]

  Marv180,

A warm welcome to you,

Congratulations to you  on your marriage!

I hope you find this forum to be as helpful and supportive as I have.  There are a great bunch of like-minded people here working at healing.

All the best on your journey.

 

[Kizzie]

Hi Marv and a warm welcome to OOTS     I am with NK on making sure you're ready to tell your M-I-L anything before doing so.  That said, one thought I did have was that if she is the opposite of your M she may well be able to mother young and adult you in a way that will help deal with your trauma if she knows what you went through and what's missing (a caring, loving parental figure who is safe and nurturing). 

Glad you're here and I hope you find this a helpful community on your recovery journey. 

[Papa Coco]

Hi Marv,

Welcome to the forum. There's a lot of support here from people who understand the ins and outs of trauma and long-term trauma responses to life.

I can tag on to NK and Kizzie, that us trauma survivors should be as open as we feel comfortable with. I never like it when I've let others push me into being open about the personal things I struggle with. I prefer to watch for a time when I feel like I need to tell someone, rather than when someone tells me I "should" tell them.

I've been in therapy for chronic depression and anxiety my entire adult life. I have finally reached a point where I feel pretty open about all I've been through, but I waited until I felt strong enough to do so without causing myself grief. I think back, and I remember that I let my information out slowly in the beginning because I needed to experience the reactions I might get from others. At first, I only hinted that I had struggles. People responded. I digested their responses and then felt safe to go just a little deeper in my disclosures. People responded favorably again, so I went a little deeper.

I'm okay with getting into the pool one inch at a time to acclimate slowly to the water temperature rather than dive in and experience the shock. Trauma is shock. I've had enough trauma, and don't feel like bringing more. So I support slow, comfortable forward motion. I eventually tell my story to others, but not always right away.

With C-PTSD, anytime I feel like I've said too much, (or dove into the deep end when I wasn't ready) I make myself miserable by regretting having said it. When I say miserable, I mean anxiety ridden and nearly in panic. So, I am now a supporter of only disclosing as much as I feel compelled to disclose, and with whom I feel safe disclosing to.

Welcome to the forum.