Hello new fam! [Trigger Warning]

[blue_sky]

Hi everyone,

I feel like i have found a new family. I just googled CPTSD group support and came across this platform. I feel like i have a voice finally.

[Trigger warning]


I got diagnosed for anxiety and depression back in 2015 when i first started therapy. It was mostly CBT. I had told my doctors and therapist from early on that i suffered from sexual abuse in my childhood from 2 members in my own family. And I had multiple sexual abuse from other people during my teens.

I got diagnosed with PTSD only in 2017 and it's been less than a year that I have been told it's more complicated than just PTSD.

That's all I want to say for now.
For the outside world I am successful, independent and have a lovely life.
On the inside, I'm still pretty hurt, I feel alone at times, I feel tired and frustrated at the speed of healing...

[Blue Lotus]

Hi Blue Sky

I am new here too. I'm glad your google search brought you here to OOTS.

I am sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered as a child and teen and the impact that has had. It is tiring holding the pain on the inside while to others our external lives can look ok, even lovely as you describe.

I get frustrated too with how long this healing journey seems to take, there are so many layers to it! It is generational trauma and it has passed to us, we are the chain breakers and remembering that always gives me hope and motivation to keep moving forward.

Let's keep moving forward one step at a time

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Blue Sky     The different inner and outer us is a common thing in survivors of relational trauma so you're in good company here. We tend to wear a mask so we don't show as vulnerable which most of us learn leads to more abuse. The 'good' news is here we all get it so you can take the mask down at whatever pace feels comfortable to you.

Kizzie

[Towhee]

Hi and welcome, Blue Sky.  I'm so glad you joined us.  CPTSD is horrible to live with and I'm right there with you in the frustration and exhaustion with how slow and difficult the healing process is.  Please know that we're here with you.

[Papa Coco]

Hi Bluesky,

I'm glad you found this forum.  Thank you for sharing as much as you did. Take your time and only share more when you feel ready.

I'm 63 now. From the time I was a boy until recently, the world thought I had it all together too. I made good money, made friends left and right, was a public speaker, a partime standup comedian, wedding singer...People truly thought I had the world by the tail. At about 52 years of age I finally started telling my friends what my childhood was like and how many close calls I'd had with suicide over my lifetime. My friends were shocked. The first thing they'd say to me was "I never thought I'd hear stories like this from you."  The second thing many of them would say was "Can I tell you what happened to me?" Then when they'd start to tell me their stories, they'd almost always say "I've never told anyone this before but..."

I'm now okay with disclosing what I've been through to more people, but I also know that ONLY those people who have walked a mile in my shoes can really understand why it affected me so dramatically for my entire life. 

This forum is such a godsend for me because the members here don't need me to explain why I still have nightmares from things that happened 50 years ago.

It's such a relief to not have to explain myself to people who just quote self-help books or tell me to "just forget about it and move on."

Welcome.

[blue_sky]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome.

PapaCoco - I have started disclosing to a few people as well. And like you said, I had a few friends share their story as well after hearing mine.
Recently after getting inspired from NarcKiddo, I actually shared my story in the OOTS website. This is the first time I'm sharing about my CSA in public.

[NarcKiddo]

I want you to know, blue_sky, that I have just read your personal story.

It is a very upsetting and awful story and I feel so very sorry that you had to endure all that. I also want to congratulate you on finding a way to a new life far away from your abusers. Well done. You are strong and courageous both for enduring everything you endured and for sharing your story. I wish you all the best on your healing journey.

[Larry]

hi blue sky,  welcome