Here we are, finally

[TxiaHoria55]

Hi everyone,
I'm TxiaHoria55. I have semi-diagnosed CPTSD, and I think it's been like that for at least the last 10 years.
One of my nuclear family members has very likely undiagnosed BPD. While I have not been directly mistreated by this family member, I have been severe traumatize by the unstable living situation they created and by their violent behaviour. I struggle since with feeling safe even at home, with self-esteem and with trusting people.
I have seen two psychologists already (I saw them at the University, so I had only a maximum rendezvous I could have witht hem), the second one told me I'm very likely to be CPTSD, but was unable to diagnose since they didn't had that right. I'm searching for another one, this time for a more long-term treatment. In the meanwhile, I try to inform myself with books and articles about CPTSD.
I want to be able to heal. I think the most difficult part of that, it's being alone feeling like this all the time. I don't think I would find the ultimate answer to my pain here, but I think it would just help to know that I'm not alone in this.
Sorry for the long paragraph!

[DD]

You are not alone. On this forum you'll find many who walk alongside you with struggles that are singular for each but so similar that in the end we walk together.

It has been, for me, the most welcoming and safe space that has gotten me through some very difficult parts of my journey.

I am still very much recovering. But this is a good place for that. I am at the same time sad that you've had to go through so much and feel so unsafe, as I am proud of the bravery you show in reaching out, and happy you've found your way here, which for me, had been so important place to find acceptance, validation, and a shared humanity I have longed for my entire life.

[gcj07a]

I want to echo DD. I am by no means recovered, but the community here is one of the best supports I know of.

Like you, I have a undiagnosed BPD family member. Unfortunately, she (my mother) was my abuser. I get the BPD thing. It can be hard. Lots more on that if you are interested.

If you want more info on C-PTSD, I can think of no better resource than Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. I bought a hard copy as a reference and listened to the audio book. That book helped me know myself so much better and helped me not feel so alone.

Hang in there. Proud of you for working on getting the help you need. We are here to support you. If safe, here is a 

[Kizzie]

Hello and a very warm welcome to OOTS TxiaHoria55     No worries about your post, it wasn't long at all and it helps us to get to know you.

Survivors of relational trauma often isolate and feel very alone and lonely which is what OOTS is meant to help with. That is, let survivors like you they are not alone, that we have common issues and symptoms, and we can share our experiences and members here will get it.  That's been the best feeling for me; that I am definitely (and sadly) not as alone as I once thought I was.  I hope you will soon feel that too.

We do have a list of therapist databases here that may help you find one -  https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=881.0. You can also just Google your location and "trauma therapists".

Kizzie