I had better introduce myself then...

[Saluki]

Hey all,
I'm waiting and waiting at the moment for therapy. I've had therapy before but that was a long time ago now. So seeking some ways to self care in the meantime I guess, and to talk with others with CPTSD.
My trauma is complex because it started at a very young age. My mother didn't want to be pregnant with me and there was a lot of neglect and emotional/psychology abuse. There was also physical abuse. There was also CSA from someone my parents trusted. There was zero recognition that I was struggling with mental health problems. I had selective mutism for years and was a loner. Found it hard to communicate/bond. Never bonded with mother.
I ended up using drugs and alcohol to numb my symptoms. Didn't even know non army people could get PTSD. Was diagnosed with anxiety and depression but later with CPTSD by a therapist at a charity for survivors of CSA.
I'm in a safe place now, no longer a chaotic drug user and don't drink alcohol. Around 6 years sober. Don't ask me how: it's incomprehensible to me how I managed to hate alcohol.
Anyway hello!
Saluki

[Kizzie]

Hi Saluki and a very warm welcome to OOTS     I'm so sorry for all you went through but bravo for stopping drinking in spite of all the chaotic feelings CPTSD brings to us.     That in and of itself is an indication of your determination to recover.

OOTS is a pretty good tool to help with that. Warm, welcoming people who share their own experiences and suggestions and lots of resources that may help so I hope you find it helpful.

 

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum saluki

[Saluki]

Thank you! I only just saw your replies (nothing popped up in my notifications). I will have to see if I can figure them out.

[blue_sky]

Welcome Saluki!

I only just saw your replies (nothing popped up in my notifications). I will have to see if I can figure them out.

Towards the top and bottom of the page (just above the quick reply box), there are buttons called Reply, Mark unread ,Print and Notify.
If you look under Notify, you can change settings to get an alert for any posts you want updates on.

   For stopping drinking and drugs   

[Saluki]

Thanks Blue Sky. I got a notification! Yay! 🙂

[Bermuda]

Hello Saluki. Welcome to the forum. Well done on getting sober and searching for help.

[Saluki]

Thank you Bermuda 🌞

[Papa Coco]

Welcome to the forum Saluki

Thank you for sharing your story. No child should ever have to be born to feel unwanted. There are a lot of supportive people here on this forum. While each of us has a unique story of our past and present, we all seem to experience many of the same emotional struggles, and moreover, I've discovered that while most of us feel like aliens on the planet, here, we really do care about each other. The positive view of that is that we don't need to explain ourselves to each other. We all know what the trauma feels like, so we are easily able to empathize with each other and share kind words that have real meaning. And being connected through empathy and sincerity is where the magic happens.

I'm glad you joined. I hope this amazing group of kind souls is helpful for you as it has been for me. This forum is filled with people who've felt lonely for a long time. So here we are, kindred souls who are all lonely together. To me, that feels good. To know I'm not alone in feeling alone literally makes me feel less alone. I hope it helps you as well.