Hello

[Keirshy]

Hello everyone, I'm Keirshy. I have a serious problem with the lingering effects of CPTSD/CRTR.

I recently got out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist, who I now realise made me feel just like my mom made me feel. It was probably why we even got into a relationship in the first place.

In short, like many of you here, I have have been repeatedly belittled, disrespected, gaslighted, lied to, had smear campaigns thrown at me, been isolated, been sleep deprived, been stalked and so on. All the while these people who "love me", and their flying monkeys, told me I deserved it and should understand my abusers more.

I've decided I'm done with that, and I'm happy to say I've cut ties with my mom and any toxic family members for 3 years! I only contact my brother and aunt who are still healthy enough. Now I've also cut ties with the narc ex. He's in the hoovering phase and it's very creepy and frightening. I can't stand him. It's embarrassing to think I was ever taking his lies and abuse, while working so hard to change him.

I'm still terribly alone and afraid of closeness, especially as I feel I'll just get sucked into another bad relationship or friendship in my current state. I only have one true friend who lives in another country. So I hope I'll be able to talk here and find a safe community.

Currently I'm reading Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood - it's helping a lot with seeing how my mom led me to these bad men, and how to change it.

[Bermuda]

Welcome to that forum Keirshy. It's very strong of you to leave those narcissists behind. You deserve that. I relate to so much of those techniques you listed. It's unfair that you had to go through that.

Welcome again. 

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome. I agree with everything Bermuda said.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Keirshy     They are quite a few of us here who have had to deal with parents/people who suffer from NPD so you are in good company.  We do end up being set up if it starts with our parents to pick friends and partners who have NPD. I know it's quite embarrassing as you say to end up with an N partner, but they are really good at sucking people in and if we're not far enough along to recognize them for what the are it can feel quite comfortable almost.  Then wham, right back into it.   

It sometimes feels to me like those with NPD outnumber healthy people.  I know on one level it's not true, that's N's simply stand out but it doesn't help with feeling I am in danger still.  The one thing I definitely do NOT want in my life are any more N's, no thank you! One thing I can say is that once you learn to recognize people with NPD you can't be tricked again. It's just so obvious once you know what you're looking at.   

[Keirshy]

Thank you Bermuda, NarcKiddo and Kizzie for your warm welcome! 

I do hope it's true that I'll avoid narcissists in the future, Kizzie. I've had enough of them too!

I'm going to start a thread on one of the haunting things my narc did to me. Hope I can move on from it.

[Papa Coco]

Welcome to the forum Keirshy,

I'm sorry to hear about how NPD's keep showing up in your life. I know the feeling. I've had a long history of being attracted to NPDs. Actually, they were attracted to me, and I was obedient. Many times, I've discovered that they were my best friend, and I didn't even know it, until they told me they were. They tend to see my kind nature and they swoop in and give me the attention I need, and then, like a fish on a hook, I take the bait and bam! I'm on their hook. 

The thing that helped me break their spell over me the most was reading a few books on sociopathy. My very favorite was The Sociopath Next Door by Dr. Martha Stout. She uses the term Sociopath to cover all the Narcissistic terms we use today. And after reading it, and a few other books that teach how to spot and deal with sociopaths, I seem to have finally, FINALLY broken the spell. My wife and I now joke that we can "smell" a narcissist from a block away. We are able to see them so quickly now that we never take the bait anymore. I, personally, have been caught in their webs far too many times to count.

I sincerely hope you are able to keep putting more and more distance between yourself and the NPDs of the world. Like Kizzie says, Sometimes I feel like narcissists population is exploding into the globe right now. Like they almost outnumber us. But being able to spot them truly empowers us to stop getting caught in their baited traps that they set for us all the time.

Welcome to the forum. I hope it's as good an experience for you as it's been for me. It's a great group of people here.

[Larry]

welcome keirshy