[TW: Self Harm] Work making me use a boxcutter, I can't do it

[BrotherAughra]

I am nauseous with worry writing this. Basically from 5th grade until college I struggled on and off with self harm. I used straight blades like boxcutters. I no longer feel comfortable holding or touching one.

I work as an overnight grocery stocker, and I use a safety cardboard knife that can't easily break skin. I brought it from home when I started my job 18 months ago. It's like a butter knife texture. However my work noticed it and said I must use the standard cutter. I am trying to talk to HR but they haven't budged. I am so scared they're going to fire me under the guise that if I can't use a standard boxcutter, I can't actually do my job. I can't handle trying to look for a job again, so many jobs are triggering and difficult to do at all.

I feel like I should have never talked to HR and just kept secretly using mine, because I'm on nights and rarely seen. Does anyone have advice on how to handle HR? Or assurance that they won't fire me? I really don't think I can use the boxcutter they want me to. Would disclosing my past with self harm to HR be a mistake?

[Kizzie]

I'd love to say HR would be supportive but  if you're nervous about taking a chance, maybe keep the company box cutter handy but just use your own when no-one is around?

[NarcKiddo]

I was coming on to say pretty much the same as Kizzie. I'm sorry you are struggling with this.

[BrotherAughra]

Thanks. I have realized I don't really have the energy to advocate for myself, and I feel too paranoid about workplace stuff like that to trust HR. I sent them an email saying nevermind and thet I'll just deal with it. I'm just going to keep using my cutter and just put it away before any morning people are there. Thank you

[Kizzie]

 

[Larry]