To little me

[Dina]

Dear little Dina

You have been through so much, much more than a person should in a lifetime. I'm so sorry that you are going through it still. You don't deserve any of this fear and pain, you never did.

You are waking up now, you are seeing the truth in your life. You are starting to recognize that everything already passed, most of it, a long time ago. I know that it is incredibly difficult to open your eyes and realize that it is all imprinted deep inside your body and your mind. And that the ways you learned is what's hurting you still today.

Now you know that the abuse done to you by those who were supposed to love you, led you to surround yourself by people and situations that allowed you to reenact that same abuse over and over again, just to have another opportunity to earn the respect of people who never really cared, to prove your worth, to prove that you belong and to prove that you are enough.
I know the pain that comes from acknowledging that you still are the one making your life difficult.

Oh, my love, but the thing is, that you didn't know any better. This awareness is not meant for you to have more reasons to hate yourself. You can't think your way out of this, and you can't live with a secret self-hate and shame forever. It's time to let go of the past and look ahead. You don't deserve this way of living; you are entitled to so much better. It's time for forgiveness. It's time to forgive yourself first and above all. You were just the sweetest defenseless girl who grew up to repeat what you saw and felt. That's what you knew as love. You were just surviving. It is not your fault; it was never your fault.

Many things that happened in your life were horrible. I wish I could travel back in time and undo it; I wish I could take all the memories and the pain away from you, but I can't. However, we can go through it together. You are learning to do and live differently.

You can open yourself to feel whatever has been repressed inside you all these years, no matter how overwhelming it might feel. You can explode and break the shells that protected you until now. You don't have to worry anymore because you are not alone. Fear not little one for I am here now to protect you. I will be your safety net. I will always be here to hold you when you're scared; to pick you up when you fall; to remind you that when you lose, you don't fail, you just learn and grow. I'm here to fill you with hugs and kisses; to love you unconditionally just because you exist. Sweetie, you are more than enough and so worthy of the purest love and the most amazing things in this world.

Look at yourself, you are one of the most beautiful, pure, gracious, and powerful beings walking this planet. Your innocence and kindness led you to nurture wonderful relationships with people who adore you and feel grateful to have you in their lives and to be close to you.

You didn't just survive, you thrived. Remember where you come from and where you are. What you have achieved is impressive, and you did that, all alone. Imagine, just for one second, what you will be able to do and to feel when you free yourself, when you start living your life and connect with others from love and not from fear. You are love and now it's your time. Today, each day.

You don't have to prove or explain yourself to anyone anymore. Let them think of you what they choose. You are free to be, to set your rules, to act and react as you please. You are free to live your life, to find your joie de vivre, in your own terms. That's not being selfish, it's self-love. You didn't even earn that right; it was yours from the beginning.

You are meant to do great things; you've always known this true in your heart.
Someone once wrote that "whoever saves one life saves the world entire". Can't you see? You have already done the greatest thing of all: you saved our life.

There will never be enough words to tell you how grateful I am with you for all the times that you kept fighting and for saving us, but I will show it to you with love, every single day. And that is my promise to you. I will repeat it to you again and again until you finally feel it, until you love yourself as much as I love you!