What to do with this information

[Libby183]

Hello everyone.

It's strange how things happen.

I really felt it was time for me to come back here, but I wasn't entirely sure why.

The big change for me is that I am going through withdrawal from years of antidepressant treatment.
It's bringing up an awful lot,of things, but I think I am doing quite well.

As a result of this process, I looked at my NHS records, which are available through an app. I wanted to see when exactly I started medication. I found out it was in 2002, but for some reason, I carried on scrolling. The last entry was dated 1978, and just said "Victim of child abuse".

Since the death of my husband in 2019, I have gradually built a connection with my parents. Much of this has been down to my acceptance that, firstly, I was a very difficult child, and secondly that my husband was a very difficult man. Both true.

But, I presume, as long ago as 1978, the family GP, in a completely different practice, stated that I was the victim of child abuse. I was 12 years old, and would never have been to the GP without my parents. What was this based on, I wonder.

Does anyone have any ideas what, if anything, I can do with this information? I wonder if I could find out any more details.

I'm actually quite mind blown, but don't really know if I should be. After all, I always knew that I was abused.

If anyone has any observations, really would like to hear them.

Best wishes to everybody on this long, hard journey.

[dollyvee]

Hi Libby,

I'm sorry you came through the information this way. I had a similar thing where I was looking through my gm's psychologist records and it stated that I was being taken to a clinic for SA and that everyone was pointing the finger at my f (who wouldn't have done anything like that). It was never mentioned again. My gm was a covert narc (undiagnosed) and the sessions very much focused on her. I was the person that made her feel better. I knew it had happened and remember it, but I think it was the impact of seeing it written down in black and white, and not relying on the "memory," which was that no one every talked about it again really.

I spoke with my aunt about this when I found the records a few years ago and she sort of shrugged it off as of course your dad would have had the finger pointed at him. My concerns about who could have really been involved were also shrugged off and the finger was pointed to my m for perhaps putting me in a certain environment where I may have seen her having sex. This could have been true, however there is animosity from my aunt to my m and I feel like that was coming into play. This is an explanation, or round about way of saying, that you might not be able to get the answers you need from the adults that were in your life at the time, but luckily there was a doctor who thought to try and protect you. My family doctor tried to do the same when I was a child and my m used to go out drinking and leave me home alone. He was going to call child protection services, but my gm stopped him and said she would take care of me. Despite being kept in that environment, I think it's helpful as an adult to know that there was someone at one time who wanted to do the right thing.

I hope you're able to trust in your experiences of the time and find a way for this information to help you. For me, this stuff was buried under years and years of everyone pretending everything is ok to save face, or keep things beneficial for them, which I bore the brunt of. It's still kind of hard to write about and say, yeah that dynamic was really messed up, and this is what actually happened.

Sending you support,
dolly

[Bermuda]

Wow, that's a lot to take in all at once. I can imagine what that could feel like. I don't have any information on how that works, the concept of medical records is quite new to me, especially accessible ones. Wow.

If you don't mind me asking, how do you feel about it? Someone noticed you. That a big thing, isn't it? Not to put feelings on to you... You know... Maybe a social worker, or a mandatory reporter? I don't know your story, but I relate to not seeing a doctor.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Maybe someone else has thoughts. It makes sense that this would feel like a big deal.

[NarcKiddo]

Gosh, I didn't know they had NHS records going back that for on the app. I'll have to have a look at mine to see how far back they go.

I don't know any details of your situation other than those in your opening post. You know about the abuse, but are taken aback that the GP had made a record of it when you were aged 12. And the question seems to be how did the GP know? If the abuser was someone other than your parents than I suppose one of them must have told the GP. I doubt there is any more information to be had, but there may be paper records somewhere. I don't know whether full details of paper records are put into the app, though it would seem a bit odd just to put bits in. It might be worth asking your surgery what they know about record keeping from back then.

My husband was taken to see the GP for being a difficult child, back in the 1960s. The GP spent some time alone with him to see what he thought of the situation, so he told the GP what he thought about his family situation. The GP then called the parents back into the room and reported to them what he had said (this resulted in ructions later). Might it be possible the GP spoke to you and concluded from what you said that you had been abused? I'd have thought you would remember that from age 12 but if other aspects of the abuse have been blanked from your memory (I am only guessing, here, obviously) then I suppose it is possible an interview with a GP has been blanked, too.

I'm glad to hear that you feel you are dong well as you withdraw from the antidepressants and wish you all the best as you continue with this.

[Libby183]

Thank you, everyone.

I've done a bit more thinking and digging, and I think that the child abuse victim entry has been added very recently. Possibly as a result of a company requesting a medical report, with my permission.

I'm still not sure if this has been plucked from consultations with GP over the years, or based on something noted years ago. The former seems more likely, so, other than the shock of seeing it in black and white, I don't think it is a big deal.

My mother was my abuser, both physically, emotionally and, in some ways, sexually. She would never have allowed me to talk to anyone, doctor included.

Actually, this is an example of my coping with something unexpected, in a calm way.

I might just enquire a bit further. CPTSD seems to push us to always dig further.

Thank you for listening and responding.

Narckiddo, I would be interested to hear how far back the records on your app go!

[NarcKiddo]

Narckiddo, I would be interested to hear how far back the records on your app go!

Only back to 2004.