My trust is waning...

[AphoticAtramentous]

Just needing to vent real quick. My sister (without my consent) told my mother that I have CPTSD and that I'm taking "PTSD medication". Suddenly my mother is texting me, asking if it's true, asking a lot of personal questions. In response I decided to lie, I said that my sister was lying about me having CPTSD. Not sure if that was the best idea, but it was the only option that came to mind. At least it seems to have worked because my mother has stopped texting me now. She raised a good liar...

A week ago, a part of me was planning to tell my sister that I was back in therapy and suspecting other disorders. Actually I somewhat tried, but I didn't do a good job of explaining things I guess because she brushed off my issues as "normal human behaviour". But now I'm glad I didn't give her any more details. I can't imagine how my mother would react if she found out I could have other mental problems.

I'm really angry. Angry at my sister. Angry at my mother. I can't trust anyone in my FOO. My mental health problems are not something that should be gossiped around. If I wanted to tell someone about my personal problems, I'd tell them myself!

 

Regards,
Aphotic.

[NarcKiddo]

Ugh. I am sorry you are having to deal with that. I can relate - I've had some major physical health issues recently. I told my FOO. I did not ask them to keep it confidential but nor did I indicate in any way that I was OK with my mother rushing off to tell miscellaneous friends and relatives. Who then contacted me to ask how I was. I never tell FOO anything confidential, but even so I don't think normal people go around broadcasting without asking the person first. It's not like I had a broken leg, which would have been obvious to anyone.

I find it especially vexatious with FOO because they totally gossip among themselves. And if you say "don't tell x" you are completely guaranteed that they will immediately rush off to tell x. And if I complain they just say "oh, well, it's faaaamily. And we just have your best interests at heart." Like heck they do. Sounds like you might be dealing with similar, though I am not familiar with your situation so could be way off base here.

[Beijaflor57]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, Aphotic. It's frustrating that the very people you should be able to trust are the very ones consistently betraying that trust. You have every right to be angry.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, due to my narc sister. I now guard everything I say and share, and make sure I only share confidential information with a few specific people, who, sadly, I often still have to remind to 'keep the info confidential.'

I keep my life as private as possible. I abandoned social media for this reason as well.

Best wishes going forward. Just know you're not alone! 

[Kizzie]

I learned fairly late on that I had CPTSD and that my M was an N and it was only in reading and talking with others at Out of the FOG that I realized I could not tell my family, in particular my NM, much of anything personal because they would use what I had said to get attention for themselves. When I had cancer in 2007 (which I could not hide) my NM took it as an opportunity to glean support for herself and all that SHE was going through. That caused me to say "No more!"  I was extremely angry like you and I knew down to the depths of my soul that my anger was a healthy, human response. That was the point where things changed for me.

I did say something to her about it and she backed way off from that point on. For my side of things I stopped telling her or the rest of my immediate family anything but the most mundane things about my life. It worked well, but what really did the trick (for my family and I) was moving across the country and going low or no contact.

[AphoticAtramentous]

I did not ask them to keep it confidential but nor did I indicate in any way that I was OK with my mother rushing off to tell miscellaneous friends and relatives. Who then contacted me to ask how I was. I never tell FOO anything confidential, but even so I don't think normal people go around broadcasting without asking the person first. It's not like I had a broken leg, which would have been obvious to anyone.

Thanks for sharing NarcKiddo, it's nice to know I'm not the only one that is bothered by this!
Also it probably wasn't your intention but you've made me feel less bad about lying now (thank you). Because I realise that even if I managed to calm my mother down and talk about it all rationally, she'd probably tell my father, and the grandparents, and my other siblings...  I shudder to think of the drama. It is far better off that she believes my CPTSD just isn't real.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, due to my narc sister. I now guard everything I say and share, and make sure I only share confidential information with a few specific people, who, sadly, I often still have to remind to 'keep the info confidential.'

I keep my life as private as possible. I abandoned social media for this reason as well.

Thank you kindly Beijaflor. Sorry you're in a similar situation! I too have foregone social media, other than one community I administrate online. Even then though, I mostly listen to others and do not share much myself.

When I had cancer in 2007 (which I could not hide) my NM took it as an opportunity to glean support for herself and all that SHE was going through.

Sorry you had to go through all that, Kizzie. Thank you for your support. Am glad to hear that your limited/no contact is helping in that regards!

Regards,
Aphotic.