Information about the Inner & Outer Critic

[Elphanigh]

Finally finding this post, as I am starting to want to comabt my overactive inner critic. I read Pete Walkers description, and as I got to the list at the end I realized I can make a check mark for basically every single behavior. No wonder, this is such a strong struggle right now.

Thank you for these resources Kizzie!

[Kizzie]

   and   

[Gwyon]

Re the inner critic and self-compassion...

This has been an epic struggle for me as well. I'm getting some traction with the idea of holding myself with the same unconditional love that I hold my own son. I visualize that child-self at 6mo's old or so and think: "This child was born whole and sound and deserving of love. I will treat him with the same love, care, and protectiveness of a father to his own son".  When I can truly give myself over and believe this idea, it is incredibly powerful and healing.  But it is not easy, as we all know so well how hard it is for us to feel deserving of such love.  I have been committing myself intensely to this idea of self-compassion ("Radical Acceptance", as Tara Brach says it) for well over a year now (yet another layer of healing following decades of work).  And it is only now that I have moments of truly feeling it. I sense that this is the true path, and that I have a long journey ahead as well.

Kindly,
andrew

[Mius]

Wow...this is a hard one. I've been trying to work on this one for a couple months now and well...feeling like a failure again. It's not that I deserve my love any less than the next person. They just deserve it more. I tell myself all sorts of fantastical things to keep this lie alive. I feel like this one just might be the one to leave alone. The one thing that I can't fix (and I can fix anything hahaha). I know there has been progress since I finally broke so bad I couldn't keep going. Like a Ponzi Scheme finally crumbling down after 30 years of avoidance and distraction. Anyhow I digress.
So we soldier on one foot in front of the other down the path. Maybe one day we will learn to love ourselves as much as we are deserving, but not today.

[Kizzie]

The Inner Critic has been with most of us a long time and ironically kept us safe when we were at the mercy of our abuser like flight, fight, freeze and/or fawn - all strategies for 'keeping our heads down' in a sense.

It becomes entrenched so it makes sense it takes time to dislodge it, reduce it to a whisper.  One step at a time as you say 

[Bodhi_§]

Hello Kizzie,

Thank you for this. I have a ferocious inner and outer critic at the moment. I am at a point that I rather stay in my room instead of going outside, because I have a general distrust in people and also ... I don't trust myself at the moment.

Do you have any advice on what can help me going through this stage of confrontation of the trauma therapy I am going through at the moment?

Is it normal at this stage that my energy is very low?

Thank you for al your help.

[CactusFlower]

I am no expert, obviously, but I can share what is helping me so far. I think it was in a Youtube video, I apologize that i don't recall which one, that suggested you name and personalize your Inner Critic so it's easier to visualize telling it to shove off.

I tried it. I took this cartoon character who complains about everything and is super critical and selfish, just generally a jerk, and renamed him. I can hear his voice clearly (Richard Kind is a decent actor), so it's easy to envision who is being critical. When I catch myself being self-critical, I bring up that image and voice and (sometimes out loud if I'm alone) tell him in very blunt terms to faff off. it's helped a little bit with intrusive thoughts at bedtime, too. I just say, "That's not realistic/possible/or even likely, Carl, so shove it and let me sleep. Shut up, you have no power over me."

Ok, the last line is from Labyrinth, but still. It is kind of an empowering thing for me. So, just a thought.  

[Kizzie]

ME low energy is really common Bodhi which is why you'll often read posts by members recommending if you're new to therapy and here that taking baby steps helps (i.e., it took time to develop CPTSD and it takes time to refuel and heal from it), destressing life when and where you can, and being OK with resting more. I also drink a lot of water to flush my system when I'm especially stressed by CPTSD because there are a lot of things like adrenaline, cortisol secreted when we under stress.

Part of why the above can help is that they signal to your Inner/Outer Critic you are taking care of yourself so they can calm down.  If they're active and loud they're trying to keep you safe so demonstrating that "I got this, I am practicing good self care" can help