post-therapy blues

Started by Dalloway, July 17, 2024, 04:30:26 PM

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Dalloway

Hello everyone,

not sure how to start this, I´m not really good at asking for help, but I guess what I would like to say is that I could appreciate your support and/or personal insights on this one:

Yesterday I had a really tough therapy session. I´ve been feeling really low lately (the past 2-3 weeks), so I knew something will happen when I get the chance to talk to someone about my problems (the thing is, I wasn´t able to see my T for a month because of the summer vacation, and besides her, I can´t really talk to anyone about these deep things). We went into really hard topics and I talked about things that have never been told before,they weren´t even said out loud by me, ever. So it was very difficult, but liberating at the same time. I even cried - for the first time in my therapy history - and it really meant that those things were huge milestones for me to recognize and acknowledge.

After the session, I started to feel very bad emotionally and mentally, I was in pain the whole day (also physically). Today I woke up a bit numb - the pain is not that raw as it was yesterday, it´s more like aching. And I was thinking of something that I read before: that the hard things and realizations might and will hurt at first, but it will get better eventually. I dont´t know about that, I just feel the pain and don´t see the light, because those things are the most difficult ones in my life and I don´t know how to deal with them yet. It´s like I know that they are present, I named them, but it´s just soo hard cause I feel like a bowl that´s been stirred and all my emotions and pain are whirling in this mess and I don´t know how and when will they settle down and rest.

So my question is I guess, have you ever experienced something like this?

Desert Flower

Hi Dalloway, I just wanted to say I feel for you. And although I have not experienced what you describe (I'm not that far into therapy yet and before, when I used to talk about anything, I was usually drunk or on drugs. Hmm.) But what I am starting to believe is that we feel the feelings we are ready to feel and when we are ready to feel them. So, although undoubtedly these are hard feelings, and I do not know you well enough to say, I do suspect these feelings will find a place to settle a little bit and become a little less rough. Anyway I hope and wish for you that they may. And I do know the feeling of being stirred up and not knowing where things will land, it feels disorienting but eventually, they do land and somehow afterwards I do feel better, at least not holding it all in anymore which is also exhausting. I hope this makes sense but this is what came up when I read your post. Wishing you well.

NarcKiddo

Yes, I have. Sometimes I feel that the session was really productive and am quite proud of myself for a couple of hours but that can then turn into a lot of upset. I have found that the pain does get better but it can take a while and there is no particular pattern to it.

Just be kind and gentle to yourself. It sounds like a very intense session, what with crying and with saying things you have never said before.

:grouphug:

rainydiary

Dalloway, I appreciate you naming this as am I experiencing this today. 

I am feeling like I did something wrong or said too much yesterday.  I feel really embarrassed and I don't really understand why.

Desert Flower

Rainydiary, since we have this 'condition' I know we may feel this shame and we may feel that we are the ones that caused it somehow or that there's something wrong with us. But of course, we are not the ones who should feel ashamed! It's the ones who behaved so badly towards us (and I'm putting it nicely here). We are just used so to feeling ashamed and embarrassed when there is no reason to really. You are doing great and you are very brave going through this!  :applause: I hope you feel better soon.

Dalloway

Quote from: Desert Flower on July 17, 2024, 05:57:21 PMBut what I am starting to believe is that we feel the feelings we are ready to feel and when we are ready to feel them.
Desert Flower - yes, I do believe the same, it´s very empowering and gives me self-confidence that I´m able to cope with something and it´s kinda cool.  ;D Thanks for pointing this out. :hug:

NarcKiddo - good to know that I´m not alone with these feelings. I appreciate your support and your comment on being kind and gentle to ourselves, it´s something that I´m constantly forgetting, but I know how important it is.  :)

Rainydiary - uff, I can relate to this. Oversharing and being overly "active" gives me so much embarrassment and self-blame. I wish it wasn´t the way I´m relating to myself. :fallingbricks:

sanmagic7

dalloway, i, too, can relate.  sometimes it's taken me weeks to get thru an emotional experience from therapy, other times a few days.  what i've heard from others here is that 'this, too, shall pass'.  and it always has, i'm glad to say.  sometimes we just have to hang in there in order to see it thru to the other side. and, i agree, at our own pace and when we're ready.  always important.  love and hugs :hug:

AphoticAtramentous

Quote from: Dalloway on July 17, 2024, 04:30:26 PMAfter the session, I started to feel very bad emotionally and mentally, I was in pain the whole day (also physically). Today I woke up a bit numb - the pain is not that raw as it was yesterday, it´s more like aching. And I was thinking of something that I read before: that the hard things and realizations might and will hurt at first, but it will get better eventually. I dont´t know about that, I just feel the pain and don´t see the light, because those things are the most difficult ones in my life and I don´t know how to deal with them yet.
I've felt this too Dalloway, very recently in fact. But those feelings did get better for me. I felt a mix of shame and embarrassment but also a sense of relief as well. It is raw and sore, harsh to the touch - but leads to an important part of healing.

This is a weird analogy but I've been watching cow hoof trimming on YouTube recently... sometimes the cows get cavities in their hooves that can lead to infection. In these cases, the hoof trimmers trim away large portions of those hooves, to open up these cavities. Then they clean them, treat them, and send the cows on their way to heal. The hoof trimmer mentioned how it's important to shave away all that hoof because it gives the hoof a chance to regrow new and fresh, a clean slate without those cavities. Yes, it would be incredibly sore at first - to repoen these old wounds... but the healing that comes afterwards is going to make everything feel so much better.  :hug:

Regards,
Aphotic.

Dalloway

Aphotic,I´m laughing so hard now cause watching those hoof-cleaning videos is one of my main online activities recently.  ;D  ;D  ;D But yes, I absolutely see the analogy here and to be honest, I´m kinda watching those videos for similar reason, because it´s satisfying to see something fixed and to know that that animal will suffer less after that treatment, but yes, it needs that brutally looking procedure first. Thank you for pointing this out.  :hug:

Dalloway

Sanmagic7, yes, I totally agree with you. What I learned so far being on a healing journey is that time can really heal. Hope that in my case, too. Thank you for your kind words.  :hug:

Chart

Thanks for this thread Dalloway, and everyone. This subject was very much what I needed to read just now.
 :grouphug: