Advice/guidance/feedback (not sure where to post this, so I put it here)

[gcj07a]

My wife, kids, and I just moved. Across the street from us there is a family that has all of my spidey senses tingling. I have met the husband. He says his wife is really sick and is bedridden. When asked for more details, he just smiles and says she isn't contagious (his affect is pretty creepy; makes my skin crawl). They have one child. This child is the same age as my youngest, around 6. He comes over to our house all of the time to play. When he comes over, he often tells us that he just had to get out of his house. That he is scared. But then he laughs and says he is scared of everything. When pressed for details he just dodges and runs off. When we ask the kid about his mother, he just says that she has to stay in bed all day. He says he checks on her every day and that his hiding place is her closet.

I am persuaded that there is something seriously wrong here. I don't have any hard evidence, of course, but my gut is screaming that this kid is being neglected/abused and that the wife is similarly being mistreated. So, what do I do? In my State, the statute says the standard for making a report requires a "reasonable belief that abuse/neglect has occurred or is occurring." BUT THEN I chalk all this up to my own c-ptsd and hypervigilance. I am probably just making this up, seeing mountains where there are only molehills.

What do I do?

[Chart]

gcj07a, I think your instincts are to be trusted. I had a similar situation two years ago. The neighbors became parents of twin girls and the screaming started (poorly sound-proofed walls). Long story, but I asked the same question: What do I do? Took me awhile, but finally I started documenting the things I heard. Simply kept a journal, dates, details, words and volume. I also spoke to all my other family members about it, what I was documenting and what they might one day be asked about should I make an official contact with social services.

"Anticipation" for doing something is, in my opinion, the only thing you can do for the moment. I'd keep a journal of key things the visiting child says. Even minor things, frequently said, are critical. But it has to be regularly noted down.

[Kizzie]

gcj07a your gut may be screaming because as someone who was abused you know the signs. Why not make a report and see what comes of it?  If nothing else you have alerted CPS to a potential abusive situation. What the child is saying to you does not sound normal at all and he may want/need help but is afraid. You might also tell him that if he is ever afraid or needs help you will be there for him. He may not take you up on it right away but at some point he just may.

[NarcKiddo]

It does sound weird and wrong. As a child I was forbidden to tell people anything about family affairs. I don't know about this kid, obviously, but in your position I would err on the side of caution when trying to get more information out of the kid. If he goes home and mentions you were asking xyz it may result in him being forbidden to visit your place and that would be awful. I'd personally try to keep the conversation casual - ask without asking, if you know what I mean. I also really like Kizzie's idea of telling him if he is ever scared or needs help then you are there. That would be good for him to know.

[AphoticAtramentous]

I think your senses are very much warranted. Whether something is actually going or not, that behaviour doesn't seem normal. The other's recommendations here are really good, am only just adding my own recommendation to investigate it but passively, and not in a way that would put you at harm either.

Even if it turns out nothing is wrong in the end, when it comes to situations where someone's health may be at risk, I think it's always worth at least initially reporting.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Kizzie]

Hi gcj07a, just wondering if anything ever came of this?

[gcj07a]

Hey Kizzie,

I am actually planning to make a report today.

I ended up having a fairly long talk with the boy, after which he was "grounded" and prevented from coming to our house for awhile. Then first his uncle and then his grandparents came and took him away for a week or so. Then, at one point, we heard knocking on our front door around 10:00pm. When I went to open the door, no one was there. A few minutes later, the man knocked on the door and asked us if his wife had just visited us and, if so, had she said anything to us. We told him "no," at which point he told us that his wife was severely mentally ill and he was really sorry she came to our door (he said he saw her from his window). After that, the boy has come back over some. He has also told me that he hides in his mom's closet because of all of her "ghostly whispers." Anyhow, after this most recent development, we are going to make a report.

[Kizzie]

Good grief gcj07a. It sounds like a report will be a good thing in that at least CFS/CPS will be aware something may not be right in the home. I often wished someone would help me when I was a kid but back then few people "interfered".

I'm so glad you're helping him.