Zen_Racer's Recovery Journal

[zen_racer]

It could be, I've had trauma therapists call it "The Empire Strikes Back" in relation to whatever method being used to work with trauma. So when you get onto EMDR, it doesn't mean that the hangover, boomerang effect or whatever will be worse than what you're experiencing now. Because you / your system is learning to deal with it now. That'll help you in the future.

Thank you, Blueberry.  I've felt so disregulated the last few days, but it's subsiding.  It's been so weird.  For the day I had that presentation at work, I could tell I was feeling some kind of emotion, a lot.  Some big emotion.  But it was so foreign, I couldn't put a name to it.  I felt discombobulated.  I think I love that word for this.

One of the people I've talked with about this recently is a woman I've met.  I wasn't trying to get into dating anyone, and I've been upfront about being on a journey of self improvement and in therapy.  She's validated everything I've told her and been very supportive.  I felt safe enough that I opened up to her about what I'm dealing with, and how new it is for me.  She's also been working on issues with cptsd for a couple years.  I'm cautioning myself, because if anything is going to start, I want to approach it in a way to encourage a healthy attachment, and I may still need to figure out or learn what that is.

Maybe it's time to learn that I'm not alone, or at least don't have to be to still be safe. ... Wow, that hit home in a way I didn't expect.

[NarcKiddo]

 

[sanmagic7]

hey, ZR, yes, there can be an aftermath w/ EMDR, including weird dreams.  from what i understand, it's the brain re-configuring itself.  EMDR helps the brain release old ties that bind and begin to function w/o them.  (I'm a retired EMDR therapist, this is what i learned from the trainings.)  it's a normal process and does settle down.  but, agreed, i believe it is best to be done w/ a therapist.  we don't know how deep any of our trauma has reached into our brains/minds, and having someone w/ experience helping us with this is always recommended.  i've had experience w/ how dangerous it can be by having a seizure once during processing on my own.  live and learn.

best to you with your weight issues/worries.  i hope that gets resolved very soon.  mine goes the other way, but i've seen dramatic weight loss w/ my daughter due to anxiety.  the results from that were not good, either.  love and hugs

[TheBigBlue]

 

[zen_racer]

hey, ZR, yes, there can be an aftermath w/ EMDR, including weird dreams.  from what i understand, it's the brain re-configuring itself.  EMDR helps the brain release old ties that bind and begin to function w/o them.  (I'm a retired EMDR therapist, this is what i learned from the trainings.)  it's a normal process and does settle down.  but, agreed, i believe it is best to be done w/ a therapist.  we don't know how deep any of our trauma has reached into our brains/minds, and having someone w/ experience helping us with this is always recommended.  i've had experience w/ how dangerous it can be by having a seizure once during processing on my own.  live and learn.

best to you with your weight issues/worries.  i hope that gets resolved very soon.  mine goes the other way, but i've seen dramatic weight loss w/ my daughter due to anxiety.  the results from that were not good, either.  love and hugs

Thank you SanMagic.      If I had weird dreams, that would be a bonus.  I literally never have dreams anymore, for a very long time.  I hope they come back eventually.  I fully agree, and won't try anything until I see the therapist on Monday, and after that only what he tells me is safe.  I watched a video on emdr sessions this morning, and they said the same thing.  But they did say that you can safely use bilateral stimulation at home just using it for reinforcing positive things, I think with affirmations.  I think that's odd, because that's what I was doing.  That said, I know how I felt doing the positive affirmations, and the reaction I had before from even just writing "It's okay to choose myself" ... which I'm still having a reaction to writing, apparently.  So maybe I need to begin where I don't have any negativity associated with caring about myself and being positive towards myself.

I'm so dead that I came home early and I'm going to take a nap.  I'll eventually go check out everyone else's journal when I have the capacity later.

Love and hugs!