Embodied Trauma Conference - Free, Online, 3-10 Feb, 2020

[Snowdrop]

Thank you for adding these notes, Blueberry. I didn't get a chance to watch the sessions, and your notes are useful.

I very much relate to your words in the final paragraph. In my FOO, I can see that HB went the high energy route with aggression, rage and blame. I went the low energy route with powerlessness and depression -- possibly because I didn't want to be like HB. My parents response was unregulated. Your notes have helped me see this, so thank you.

[Blueberry]

You're welcome, Snowdrop. I'm glad my notes helped someone other than myself.

[Blueberry]

The notes I want to type up, which I just mentioned on my New Journal, are pretty obviously from above Conference too.

Healing from Disembodiment by Ariel Giarretto.

Respect your own hesitancy to feel your body - there is a reason!
But T should keep at it but remain respectful. e.g. T could ask: "What do you think might happen if you feel your body?"

Partial embodiment e.g. feeling floor under your feet, chair holding your weight, can be a resource to go back to.
Also feeling/remembering a moment of feeling sun on your face or feel of water going over you in shower - resource to go back to. I can sense this and it's not overwhelming!!
Or hold your pet and how does it affect you? How does it feel to your hand as it strokes pet? Pet may be biggest resource of client. How does body show that stroking pet is 'good'? Chest swells with emotion - as possible response.

Music helps with embodiment! Gives people a language to describe the sensations.

***TW for CSA survivors  or for survivors of physical neglect***
I'm putting a TW because I notice some sensations just writing out my notes







Touch is very activating where there was CSA or physical neglect / touch neglect

Betty Marten 'Wheel of Consent'
Each hand has different sensations whether receiving hand or touching hand. Question for clients: How is it for each hand?
Or maybe just for a tiny bit of hand e.g. the tip of the finger - finding pleasure and sensation in body

Reclaiming body on own terms

Experiencing textures

*** End TW***

End of notes too.

[Blueberry]

My trauma T / psycho T has been basically doing the partial embodiment work with me, for ages. I have been getting better at it or iow he can go further in it than he could a few years ago.

When typing out, I could hardly avoid noticing 'respect your own hesitancy'  because that's sort of what I'm doing atm. And I am certainly avoiding feeling atm.

I also notice how much I used to take notes on these sorts of things and observe myself, but did I take the actual healing steps and repeat ad nauseam? No. Not so much. Only when in T. Oh well, maybe. Good to accept that this is the way I am, the way i cope. (Not fishing for compliments, just writing down what I can while thoughts swim in my mind, thoughts I can't yet write or even put into words.)

[Bach]

***TW for CSA survivors  or for survivors of physical neglect***
I'm putting a TW because I notice some sensations just writing out my notes







Touch is very activating where there was CSA or physical neglect / touch neglect

Betty Marten 'Wheel of Consent'
Each hand has different sensations whether receiving hand or touching hand. Question for clients: How is it for each hand?
Or maybe just for a tiny bit of hand e.g. the tip of the finger - finding pleasure and sensation in body

Reclaiming body on own terms

Experiencing textures

*** End TW***

This is very interesting to me, Blueberry, because in recent months I have become aware of how seriously I was affected as a child by having a mother who did not want to touch me.  The stuff you noted about hand sensations and experiencing textures resonates greatly with me and hints at connections between my childhood experience of being deprived of loving touch and physical care, and things I experience now trying to navigate the world and find some emotional peace.  I am going to look into Betty Marten and the Wheel of Consent as referenced above.  Thank you very much for sharing.

[Blueberry]

You're very welcome Bach! It helped me to know that this thing I did (writing notes) helped somebody else. I note how sad I feel while I write that. No worries, it is good for me to notice my emotions at all. Maybe I feel sad because I re-read the bit you copied, Bach? Wondering out loud to myself that's all.

[Blueberry]

My first reaction after the initial retrieval was perhaps too geared to relief at the validation and less on what I needed to do in continuing with building a real road on which to continue my soul recovery -- a shaman is like a therapist in that way -- they can only do so much before the individual needs to proceed on one's own effort. My inner critic is eager to call this a mistake on my part, but I think it's more about the relief on finding the strongest evidence ever about all that happened, some of it dating back to earliest infancy.

So perhaps I 'relaxed' a bit more about what I had to do on my own. I haven't tried visiting a shaman for a further retrieval process, as it felt complete the first time around. But, as said, I have lots of work I feel yet to do on this side of the retrieval. And, like all of this, it's tiring -- but I do feel the retrieval did at least provide some framework as to where my soul got lost, yet still survived/survives in my present being. It's still my hope to fully activate this into how I can go forward. The hope wanes periodically yet it still sparks my realizations that even I was never wholly lost, like it once seemed.

woodsgnome, I've been re-reading some of my own Conference notes including this one, because they're often still helpful for me.

I resonate a lot with the first para of yours that I've copied above. Relief at validation, even though not thru soul retrieval, but just thru other therapy I've done or sometimes even a therapist telling me the affect xyz would have on a child and obviously had on me etc etc but then I would say now that I don't do the follow through work. I think that's one of my problems atm anyway.

I was wondering - only if you care to say!! - if you feel you've progressed in some way to building that real road you mention?