Introduction

[unwinding]

Hello,
Just here to introduce myself. I am a 40 year old male in the US. Son of alcoholic parents and an emotionally abusive mother. I have done years of therapy, meditation, self-help with not much to show for it. I dont feel safe in my own body. Grateful to have found this community as a resource to learn and explore about CPTSD

[Dalloway]

Welcome to the forum, unwinding! I´m sorry that you don´t feel safe in your body. This is a very kind and supportive community and I hope that you´ll find here what you are looking for.

[Kizzie]

Hello Unwinding and a warm welcome to OOTS 

I'm sorry to hear your therapy, etc., has not helped you much. It may be because few if any professionals are educated and trained about Complex Trauma and CPTSD just yet. There is a push happening by trauma focused clinicians, researchers, and even by survivors like us so hopefully more effective treatment is on the horizon. In the meantime, sharing here can help defuel some of the chaos that is CPTSD , provide a sense of belonging and connection, and support and caring all of which we are so lacking as survivors.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome.

I am sorry you don't feel you have much to show for all your work on healing. I suspect that could be due to a combination of several things. As Kizzie has suggested, you may not have had the right therapy. It does not mean that the right therapy or therapist is not out there so I hope you don't feel like you should give up altogether. Of course it may be that you need a break from therapy to regroup. You haven't said (and you don't need to say) whether that is the case, so I am just thinking out loud here in case my comments might help. However, the nature of CPTSD is that healing is very, very much not linear. Sometimes it can be like a game of snakes and ladders - even more drastic than the two steps forward, one step back problem that attaches to so many endeavours in life. Also, progress can be in very small increments and in different areas of our life, so it can be hard to identify it as it happens. In my case I often feel I am spinning my wheels. But when I look back over the time I have been doing therapy I can see that progress has been made. However, I cannot always see that progress. If I am in a terrible EF funk it is hard to see anything.

I am sorry you don't feel safe in your own body. That is certainly a worthwhile area to work on. I know the feeling of not being able to keep oneself safe and it is very debilitating. It is highly likely that you are, in fact, safe in your own body and can trust yourself to look after you. But it can be really hard to see that logically, and then just as hard to believe it emotionally. I wish you all the best.

[Papa Coco]

Hi Unwinding,

I'm glad you found this forum. I'm a 64 year old male. Grandfather, husband, retired. I know the healing journey. It's long. It's better taken with friends. So that's why I'm glad you found the forum. I'm sorry you needed it, but glad it was here for you.

The people here on the forum have been a very good thing for my healing. There's a lot of kindness and compassion here, and no need for us to "explain ourselves" the way we have to outside the forum. We all know what trauma feels like, so we are able to feel it in each other's writing. The loneliness of CPTSD is the part that hurts the most. This forum is a good place to connect with people who can know me more deeply than those who don't understand what we go through.

I hope to interact with you more.