Hi!

[cmsmitty]

Hi everyone,

My name is Claire and I have CPTSD. I am 25 years old. I was first diagnosed with PTSD about two years ago, and a couple months ago diagnosed with CPTSD. I went undiagnosed and untreated for quite a long time. I have suffered from emotional abuse throughout my entire childhood and into my adulthood from my father. I also survived two sexual assaults/rape at the end of high school and during college, both from people I thought were my friends. Life has been really hard for me recently. I am dealing with a plethora of health issues, recently got out of a relationship, and am moving out of the childhood home I was both emotionally abused and sexually assaulted in. Not to mention, a predator was just elected into office as our president.

It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders right now. My CPTSD symptoms are at an all time high. I have a therapist I really like and although I feel hopeless right now, I know it will get better working with her. I have been trying to open up to more friends, write more, get back into making art. I am terrified to move out of my house. I am moving in with a trusted family member, but it still feels so terrifying because of that voice in my head telling me I am safe nowhere. But I know I cannot live here any longer. I am looking for a sense of community, as I feel that is really missing for me in my healing journey right now. At my college there was an amazing program for survivors where I felt I built a community, but since graduating I have really grieved the loss of that. I'm looking forward to joining this community and healing together.   

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Claire. So sorry to hear life has been hard lately and I hope by being here and talking with other survivors it will help to lift that to some degree.

I'm curious about the program for survivors you mentioned at your college. Was that actually for those suffering from Complex PTSD? I take it that once you've left college it's not open to you anymore? I wonder if those running the group would be open to setting up something for graduates as it's really hard to lose that kind of support and connection just because you've graduated. It might be worth asking as if they are in social work or mental health they will get that.

I hear you about the election being a real blow. I'm in Canada and honestly I am sad and depressed about it too.  He will impact not only the US but countries around the world sadly. I feel like democracies are losing to those who are on the right and take a page from the playbook of fascists so I joined a group here yesterday called the Canada Anti-Hate Network. It gives me a sense that I am doing something about the threat, not being overwhelmed by it or simply letting it happen to me as I had to do in an abusive household when I was a child. Perhaps you could join a group there, I'm sure there are a lot of them, especially those dealing with women's rights.

I hope you find this a safe and supportive community 



 

[cmsmitty]

Hi Kizzie thanks for the warm welcome! The program at my school was called the Center for Survivors. It was specifically for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence, but was also highly tailored to treating PTSD. It was an amazing free program for students and university employees. It saved my life. I wish it was something everyone had access to. They still allow graduates to use their advocacy program and help line, but that's about it. They greatly helped me in my transition to find a new therapist where I live now, but what I miss most was the safe gathering and hangout space and amazing support groups and art therapy. I am trying to build my own community now and find new groups to join. I like the idea of finding a Womens rights/anti hate group. It's hard not to feel powerless with the state of the world, but we do have options and we can make a difference.

[Chart]

Hello Cmsmitty, welcome!

[Papa Coco]

Hi CMSmitty,

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of all you've been through. I do think you are very wise to be as involved in your healing as you are. I love the idea of those groups you belonged to with the Center for Survivors.

I was raised in Catholic school and abused in the ways many boys there were. The offender who was just elected into office has put me into a state of Emotional Flashback that just won't end. I feel like I'm being forced back into Catholic school where my wishes are a sin and whatever the authorities want to do to me is okay. Here we go again. And with more than half of America voting for him, I feel ganged up on and unsafe in my own social fabric. Again.

I hope you have a really good experience here on the forum. I've been a member for 3 years and it's been one of the stronger healing tactics I've participated in. So far, for me, the things I've done that have helped most are: My DBT Therapist, IFS thearapy, EMDR, MDMA and Ketamine, and this forum. It's about not being alone in the pain anymore that seems to really help me.

I hope to interact with you more in the future.

Welcome to this friendly place,
Papa Coco

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome. I am glad you have a good therapist to help you deal with the transition both to your new home and the loss of the support you had at college.

[Kizzie]

Hey Claire, I just joined the Canada Anti-hate network so I wouldn't feel so frightened of what's happened in the US.  It helps me feel I know what's going on, participate in rallies and protests and connect with others like me who are pushing back against the fascism that's creeping into all countries.  I think a women's group would be great for you.

That was such an excellent program you had access to, I'm thrilled to know there are efforts like this being made. We need far more of them in different arenas besides college so we reach more survivors.

 

[SenseOrgan]

Welcome here cmsmitty!