Hope. Just hope.

[Mathilde]

I am losing hope. Things were fine until age 8. I was sensitive, sweet, calm, positive. Then I was sexually abused and scapegoated. From that moment on, my life seems to be cycles of bad stuff.

- I hate myself. So I make bad choices. So I hate myself. So I make bad choices. So I hate myself.
- My family hates me. So I have trauma responses. So my family hates me. So I have trauma responses.
- I fear I'm not good enough for God. So it is hard to love. So I fear I'm not good enough for God. So it is hard to love.
- I hate myself. So it is hard to be a good mum to my son. So I hate myself. So it is hard to be a good mum.
- It is hard to forgive family. So I act angry. So they act angry. So it is hard to forgive family. So I act angry. So they
  act angry.
- I feel depressed. So I eat junkfood. So I feel depressed. So I eat junkfood.
- My dad puts up a wall. So I try to get through. So my dad puts up a wall. So I try to get through.
- CPS doesn't believe me. So I get weaker. So CPS doesn't believe. So I get weaker.

Every single time I break out of these cycles...I find hope somewhere...I start to build up my life and my self-esteem and positivity. Either my family kicks me down. Or I do. Or life does (e.g. lung embolism).

I can use all the hope boosters I can get...does anybody have quotes of hope, music of hope, stories of hope? Especially connected to faith?

[Armee]

 

[Chart]

Mathilde, I can suggest to you that Hope itself is cyclic. It will come and go just like your problems and determination and events of life. But, like a child, if you support it each time, it will go and then come back. Perhaps a little sooner and quicker than the last time. The course is long and immediate results are not the norm. Think as much as possible in the long-term. Which is hard, I know, because the pain is here and now. Sorry to hear about your struggles. With you in Hope, Chart

[Mathilde]

Thank you! I will hope for hope to come cycling back to me then.