LOVE is #1

[Secondchance]

I believe this 100% and fully believe that receiving and giving love is what we are created for.

I have been very blessed in experiencing how healing it is because during my upbringing, I did not know what it was. I had a loveless childhood, being designated the role of scapegoat in a narcissistic family system (mother). This meant that the whole family were turned against me so I had no ally. There has also been a smear campaign against me, and my younger brother was the golden child and it still goes on.

I already stood out, having nearly lost my life during infancy, when I was admitted into hospital with what they called Pink Disease, which was actually mercury poisoning from 'teething powders'. Many died from it. From photos, I was a thin, small, pale, sad looking, painfully shy child and know that my health was destroyed by it.

The children were extremely sensitive to everything and cried a lot. In hospital parents were not allowed to visit, and in those days, an infants psychological needs were not recognized by the medical profession. I also know that something bad happened to me there, as I have a scene imprinted, of looking into the room I stayed, perhaps for months which was common. I am very afraid of hospital staff.

So I was blamed for everything as I grew up. This left a clean sheet for me to see how love would affect me later on. The two abusive marriages I got into later did not qualify, as it is said that a happy loving marriage will heal the abused one.

The first time it was at around age 50 when someone I knew was going to a healing event with a parachurch (outside mainstream) organization for people with ME/chronic fatigue syndrome, and at the time was in a bad patch and needed to be taken, lying down in the back of a car.

In the meeting, we very sick ones had a gurney each and someone to attend to us and I got a lovely aged woman who stood by and gave me all the mothering I had never had for two hours. It made me feel that it made up for that lack in my life and some emotional healing was done.

The next time it was when I was on retreat on a small island from the NE England coast, when I was on the beach when two women came up and told me they were from the US to teach retreat the following week. They were asking questions about my health and when I said how many things were wrong with me they had tears in their eyes! First time I experienced that.

After finding out the long list of my allergens, they went away and found a recipe for a suitable cake and shopped then baked it for me, bringing it later on to my accom. I was astounded and again, took that action as love which healed me some more.

Then again on retreat (never in a church setting) once they knew I was not eating sugar, all of the women decided to join me and no-one had anything containing sugar all weekend. Again I was so touched by this demonstration of loving care.

In churches I was lucky if anyone provided me with gluten free communion bread/wafers.

I am very grateful to have experienced all of this so that when my healing is complete, which started in earnest only 9 months ago, I can guide others.

I have had since then 10 sessions with a T and none of it did much good. I am thinking that perhaps God will be showing me directly how to proceed with the healing.

In 9 months I have gone from someone 74 years old, who had lost the will to live, totally isolated, with no-one in my life for support or help, to someone well on the way, who can now show others the way to heal, which I will explain somewhere else. Thanks for reading.