I feel worthless

[geckoskittlezx7900338]

I was whinging about how I'm insecure over my typology test results and how I get really * obsessive over it and then someone responded with "its all psuedoscience" with LOL on the end (the LOL implies that I'm a laughing stock to them). Certainly not the only example. It happens to me all the time everywhere I go but whenever I speak up about it I just get labelled "paranoid", I am just so confused.

It's to the point where I pretty much need to give myself a pep talk before leaving the house, there's virtually no longer a single day in which I am overwhelmed with self-doubt only to cringe at it later once I'm in a calmer and more reasonable state of mind, and I vegetate in front of the internet and/or smoke weed to count my blessings and acknowledge the equal value of everyone and everything to feel more reassured and confident in myself but only momentarily.
I have my identity invalidated by pretty much everyone everywhere I go. The kids home did it, supported living do it, my family do it, strangers do it, people on the internet do it. I am a transgender male, I worry about looking dumb and illogical (intelligence in general, well in this case booksmart intelligence in particular as contrasted with streetsmarts or something, is a highly misunderstood and complicated concept), obviously I have AN so I am very careful about what I eat and I'm obsessed with my weight, and I can't stand being infantilised. But this * happens constantly:
- being gifted mostly FOOD GIFTS at birthday/christmas followed by * skincare products for women. I wish I could be gifted books, video games, horror films and/or weed instead.
- strangers getting my pronouns wrong.
- being told to "calm down".
- comments, remarks, etc in general that assume (either explicitly or implicitly) that I'm overly impatient, hysterical, impulsive, gluttonous, extraverted, attention-seeking, irrational, primitive, shallow, etc (e.g. "I'm surprised you managed to read the entire paragraph" "do you lash out at someone whenever you find their outfit ugly?")