Hello

[Skyward]

Hi all,

I've been very glad to find this private forum. I am very much needing a place to feel safe and find some answers and support for the distress I feel in my mother's behaviour towards me. Social media feels too exposed – even though I have found some great information and support there.

Looking forward to being part of this community.

[Skyward]

I should probably also give a little more context to me and C-PTSD.

I have only recently seen that this is what I suffered from as a child, and now, again at 62 with my mother's verbal attacks. The unspoken rule has been that we phone her on a regular basis, but now, since I've reduced my contact, she sometimes phones me. The last time I saw her name come up on my phone, I suddenly felt nauseous. When she starts a verbal attack, I feel myself freeze and my heart races.

I've had periods over through my adult life of severe panic disorder – I had many weeks in hospital where I was seen by numerous specialists, because they couldn't find out why I was so sick. I was finally diagnosed as having major depression with anxiety, by a Psychiatrist, and he suggested I be admitted to a Psychiatric Hospital. Instead, returning home weighing only 40 kg, I started on antidepressants and went through a long rehabilitation at home.

It's hard to encapsulate 62 years in one introduction! Thank you.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Skyward.  I am truly sorry for what you are going through as I was in the same position for a very long time.  By "position" I mean suffering at the hands of my NM and the fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) she kept throwing my way.

I just wanted to suggest that IMO you don't have to answer the phone or call her, she can still learn you are not her personal punching bag even at her age. You can tell her how you feel when she calls and that she must behave in a more respectful way or you will not be talking with her much if at all. I think you absolutely have that right, and to live a happier life with people treating you with the respect and care you deserve, we all do.

It is hard I know because I went through this with my NM. Once I figured out she had me very well trained to believe I owed her, that I was responsible for her, little by little I began to assert myself (age 55 to 60). I was scared I will say - back then I didn't really understand narcissism or have many others to talk to. Now we have forums like this to share what we're going through and where our fellow survivors will offer support, validation and comfort.

Just my thoughts of course. I hope it helps to be here with others who get what you're going through and can offer support and care and encouragement, etc.   

[Skyward]

Thank you so much for your kind reply Kizzie. I can already tell that this is a safe and supported space.

Yes, I am trying to force any communication onto text, as she uses her tone of voice to manipulate.

Thanks again

[Hope67]

Welcome Skyward, 
Hope