What recovery feels like

[Jdog]

I think this is what recovery feels like.  Today, I went to a weekend workshop for which I had signed up online, using a code I was given by a co-teacher.  Something went wrong in the system, and when I arrived at the workshop site there was no name tag for me and no record that I had signed up.  The woman in charge of sign-in told me not to worry about it and to go ahead and go to the sessions I had wanted to attend.  I felt like crap - wanted to hide, had a total EF brought on by abandonment issues (which got triggered by something unrelated last night also).  I walked around, trying not to make eye contact with anyone ( I didn't have a name tag and they all did have them).  I took a deep breath and noticed that some people had hand-written tags on.  After a few minutes, I made my way back to the registration table and told the woman there that I might as well make a name tag (would have been nice had she pointed out that option earlier,but never mind). 

I started feeling better, the fog in my head started to lift.  My co-teacher showed up and Imtold him what happened, and he had righteous anger over the mistake.  We went into the opening session to hear he keynote speaker.  The speaker was one of my personal heroes - a woman I had worked to elect to the state assembly who went on to become the first (and only) female Chief of Education in our state.  Now retired, she was speaking out as an advocate for school gardens.  I felt better yet.  After the address, I attended a smaller session during which she answered questions from the attendees.  I didn't really have a question, but at the very end of her session I raised my hand and told her how grateful I was to have been able to play a small part in her election to the Assembly in 1986, and how proud I am of the fine work she has done and continues to do for the citizens in California.  I went up afterwords and gave her a hug.  My hero told me that she was glad I am teaching at-risk high schoolers.

The day kept getting better.  I met some truly wonderful people, got new ideas for my program, and even had several people thank me for helping them with different things. 

Tomorrow, I hope to set a PR in a half marathon I am running.  If not, I at least plan to feel satisfied that I once again tried something difficult without quitting or backing away from discomfort.

Some days are harder than others, but I am pretty sure that this is what recovery feels like!

[Kizzie]

Yay Jdog, thanks for letting us share in the wonderful day you made for yourself.  And here's to many, many more of those 

[Jdog]

I found this thread from March and wanted to add onto it.  Here is what recovery feels like today:

*Having gone through a number of triggering situations and EFs over the past 30 days, I can see that the most effective strategy for bouncing back has been application of self compassion. This remains the most difficult, counterintuitive step for me but it works very well. 

*Friday, my wife texted that she came home from an appointment to find our back gate wide open.  Come to find out a person or people have been lurking around the neighborhood, stealing bicycles, etc. While this was a triggering situation for both of us (she has PTSD) we did not let it stop us from enjoying a full day's worth of social activities yesterday (Saturday). 

*Although I continue to struggle with perfectionism, I am now at a place of at least recognizing that it hurts me and that being imperfect is not only normal but perhaps is a good thing in some ways.  Rereading some of Pema Chodron's short essays, which mostly have a theme of "be just who you are and everything will be great", I laugh at my continual desire for self improvement.

*That having been said, I am going to take my long run of the week now (12 or more miles) and strive for self improvement.  Training for a marathon in the late fall is keeping me on task with trying for more fitness and more ease in getting there. 

Here is a shout out to all who are realizing that our recovery is a process that requires everything from us, and gives everything back with interest. 

[Convalescent]

  Wonderful to read this

[Jdog]

Thanks!  Just want to report that my run was cut short by a trip over a tree root, trip to the ER, and now light duty for a few days.  But - better to go to the ER as a result of an exercise related injury than a heart attack due to inactivity (like most of my family members). 

Thanks for the positive reinforcement.  I will return to the path of least resistance (haha) soon.