For those struggling with holidays

[ednasurvivalmode]

Holidays for me have been difficult this year. As I figure they could be for many others, I thought of starting this thread for anyone who may need to share.
 
The hard part for me has been that several acquaintances have asked if my family gathers for the holidays. My facial expression says a lot, I'm sure. To this I reply with, no. Just my family at my house. They don't know what to say to that and I think they may be waiting for an explanation. I just don't care to elaborate anymore. I don't want to bring Jumanji to their light-hearted attempt at getting to know me better. I am also uninterested in hearing how I should talk to my abusers because they're family and they love me.
Anyway, if you're feeling the pressure somehow, some way, you can rest assured- You're not alone.

[Desert Flower]

Yes, I feel the pressure and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Thank you Edna. 

[Chart]

 
Me too, thanks Edna. I'm just struggling with aloneness.
I've actually been invited to several "neutral" holiday events, but I just can't muster the energy. The doom and gloom is not all-encompassing, rather it lingers incessantly just below the surface. I basically want to do nothing, which is what I'm pretty much doing. I'll start moving myself a bit more as my kids come on Saturday. Now is just little efforts at preparation. But it's hard. My T is being supportive, staying in contact by text and letting me know she's there if I need. That helps. The Forum too. Thanks!
 

[Desert Flower]

Edna, I think you're right. People will not understand. But that's none of our fault.

And Chart, why not just do nothing these days? Nothing lost there. And no reason to beat yourself up for it either. Sitting at some place with rotten families is certainly a bigger waste of time.

Just to be here on the Forum with people who do understand is precious. Thank you guys. 

[Chart]

Just to be here on the Forum with people who do understand is precious. Thank you guys. 

Thanks DF! That does help lighten my residual guilt. I am spending time with loved ones, right here on the Forum!    I can cry and then feel better and inconvenience nobody. And all this sadness will pass, I know.
 

[Blueberry]

Edna, I think you're right. People will not understand.

I'm on a completely different forum, nothing health-related. We all love a particular type of animal - that's what this other forum is about. Still, they also have a thread for people who might feel lonely or otherwise unhappy at Christmas. I was interested and moved to note that family estrangements are a topic there too. I responded to somebody's post with compassion and wrote a little of my own story with FOO, nothing traumatic or mentioning abusive past etc, but the power games they play with us over money and contact e.g. in my case making contact to my nieces and nephews even more difficult than it needs to be.

My post seemed to help the other person, but in addition I got a pile of Likes (or rather actually Weeping emojiis, which I take to be compassion) and I'm really new on that forum too! Somebody else wrote a few lines as well, and altho they don't use our words like Narc etc., it sounds like an N-SIL causing big problems, also with nieces and nephews (under 18yo) in the mix.

It seems that some people do understand after all     Probably still not the majority and unfortunately not some of the people you're around, edna. I'm sorry you have to hear that kind of stuff from acquaintances. Friends probably know your / our situation and acquaintances shouldn't ask personal questions / should think before they speak.

I hope that my post can give some of you a little hope that there are people who understand and that next Christmas or even sooner, you may happen across these people  

[ednasurvivalmode]

I feel so much better just to read from you all.
Desert flower- Thank you, as well. 
Chart- Yeah, I think that's what it is. Like a feeling lurking beneath the surface that I cannot exactly explain. You said it so well.
Blueberry- That you found a forum where you feel helped, seen and understood is beautiful. Thank you for your kindness. These acquaintances of mine mean well, I think. They also have big families and talk of them. These people have even considered me as their family. But I'm not gonna lie, when someone says "We're like family" I get a bit sick. My FOO has never been affectionate without an ulterior motive, as I was absolutely sure others understand on here.