Hello

[With Love]

Hello, I am here to support and receive peer support for CPTSD.

The roots of trauma in the history of my life run deep. I am 46 years old now, but I grew up as the only child to a father who spent most of my life up until I was 18 in prison being raised by a mom who struggled with addiction and attempted suicide. She survived thankfully. But those experiences and being alone ALOT with no siblings caused me to internalize alot of things and deal with them on my own. I was pregnant by the time I was 17 years old, married to the father for 21 years who betrayed me, which led me into the next toxic relationship with a man who ended up breaking my eye socket and cheekbone, strangling me & ultimately committed suicide by police.

I carry so much shame, I have an extremely hard time trusting or forming healthy relationships.

I'm hoping to mainly learn about controlling hypervigilance and living in a constant state of survival. It is exhausting & all I want to feel is safety.

Thank you for having me. I hope to be a support to others and grow myself by being here.

If you have tips for hypervigilance which includes being suspicious of everyone and extremely untrusting I am desperate to heal this in myself.

[Kia1212]

You have survived a horrendous experience, it will take a while to heal from it. The best thing is talk to someone that is experienced in trauma and abuse healing. It does help to finally get validation that what you experienced was not right and you probably developed complex PTSD. Like you get in war time. It's your nervous system telling you to heal, get help and be kind to yourself, take your time and acknowledge all your feelings. I did not recognize my complex PTSD until I was 67 years old. Abuse affects you mentally and physically, which came as quite a surprise to me. Had no idea. Trust issues are most likely going to take a long time to come back. Now when I look back at my life I realize that I was really naive thinking my family and my ex husband loved me. It's better to be wary for a while until you get better. Good luck in your healing journey. Try to get in touch with domestic abuse shelters they can refer you to some counselors.

[With Love]

Thank you, I should've added I've been in therapy for a few years. I was told I had complex PTSD by my therapist. I'm removed from those situations now and working on my healing. I am in a "good" place in my life now and moving forward just trying to deal with the after effects, mainly the hypervigilance issues I'm dealing with. Always on high alert with everyone and highly suspicious. This has the been the hardest thing for me to overcome. Mainly want to know how others have overcome the hypervigilance.

Thank you for the welcome and advice. I appreciate you.