what's going on

[Rizzo]

So hey everyone,
I know I'm not consistent here but I guess you'll accept me anyway..
I'm not doing well, quite sad and I don't really understand why.
For some reason I also feel alone and it's weird because I'm surrounded by amazing people who are always there for me in everything. I could pick up the phone right now to three different people and they would all be available for me.
I'm very grateful for that.. but right now I feel loneliness.
Lately I've been stepping out of my comfort zone.. I've started social connections after a few years of being disconnected from the outside world, which is complex and sometimes exciting and pleasant.. but mostly complex..
Social connections are hard for me.. I don't even know if I'm interested in them. If I want friendships right now. I have my amazing relationship of nearly five years and I'm very happy in it.. but when it comes to friends, I'm full of anxiety. I don't know how to act, or at least that's what my insecurity is telling me. I feel small in the face of the situation and it's miserable. But I am improving, it's just tiring.
On another note, my partner and I are moving to a different city.. it will be different and it means I'm going to leave all the people who support me in the city I live in now.. it involves difficult goodbyes, and I don't have the strength for it.
I feel like disconnecting from reality right now.. feeling a bit overwhelmed.. the flashbacks are eating me alive.
And I have no energy.
Anyway, happy to write to you.. happy to be part of this community even though the circumstances are terrible.. you are special people.. thank you. Have a wonderful day.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is a brave thing to do and usually leads to better things long term. But in the moment it can be really hard to handle. I would say the same thing about moving, too. So you are undertaking really big and tough things right now and probably need to pay plenty of attention to being kind to yourself. If you are tired or lethargic - do comforting and restful things.

Making social connections is a really great thing to do but I totally get how stressful it can be. It can be so for anyone, but especially, I think, for the people here. So, again, you are doing a brave thing to be making connections. Maybe concentrate on keeping them manageable and taking things slowly?

I think it is great that you have people in your city who are there for you. They will still be there for you when you move. Maybe not just around the corner, but if you can pick up the phone to them here, you can pick up the phone to them there. They will, I'm sure, understand if you are finding a move overwhelming and will be happy to help you adjust however they can.

 

[Kizzie]

I echo Narc Kiddo in what she  said.  The fact that you are taking steps out into lands not travelled, that your min-body consider dangerous is a huge step.   It is tiring I know so I'd suggest taking a break now and again just to renew and refresh a bit - IME over time these things do tend to get easier.

Good luck with your move!