"Never fully recover"?

[Convalescent]

Maybe it's because I'm so ... in need of healing, and getting out of this reality I'm in, that this gets me so down. And because I see things a little black. I don't know, but I read this in an article just now...

"What I find most difficult about this work is that it is often excruciatingly slow and
gradual. Nowhere is this truer than in the work of shrinking the toxic inner critic.
Progress is often beyond the perception of the client, especially during a flashback, and
flashbacks are unfortunately never completely arrested. The hardest thing of all is
getting the client to see that emotional flashbacks, a bit like diabetes, are a lifetime
condition that will always need a modicum of management. Good-enough management
creates a good-enough life--one where flashbacks markedly and continually decrease
but inevitably recur from time to time."

That's just really depressing to read right now. Is this a lifelong condition you have to live with for the rest of your life? And doesn't that become a self-fulfilling prophecy? I have a friend who says she is basically "cured" from C-PTSD. And I believe her. Well, she has sad days, she has days where she still remembers things, but overall she lives a very good life, and says she's symptom-free. To me that is not the same as diabetes.

[schrödinger's cat]

If I understand you right, what you mean is, you just wish the flashbacks (the ones you have now) would go away and stay away. Which makes two of us, because flashbacks are the pits. That article is a bit... hm, I'm finding it hard to read. Is it okay if I just rephrase it?

CPTSD recovery is slow, and it happens step by step. That makes it hard for the client to see that she's making progress. If she's having a flashback, she may think that she isn't making any progress at all.

Flashbacks will shrink in size, a LOT, and they'll keep on shrinking. But they'll keep on happening. You'll always need to apply your flashback-busting strategies, at least a little. However, good-enough management creates a good-enough life.

So he's basically saying that the flashbacks you have at the start of your recovery are NOT the flashbacks you'll be having later on, once you're a lot further along in your recovery. So in a way, these early and unbearable flashbacks will go away. (If I understand that text right, that is.) The world is full of people who have ailments they need to manage. Allergies, diabetes, disabilities, Morbus Crohn, asthma... it all means having to adjust your lifestyle, having to learn coping skills, having to put emergency procedures in place. But over time, some of all that becomes a habit much like making your morning coffee or reading the newspaper: it's simply a part of your life. You're not even conscious of it anymore. It's just what you do. And you can lead a good-enough life with the help of good-enough management skills.

[Convalescent]

If I understand you right, what you mean is, you just wish the flashbacks (the ones you have now) would go away and stay away. Which makes two of us, because flashbacks are the pits. That article is a bit... hm, I'm finding it hard to read. Is it okay if I just rephrase it?

CPTSD recovery is slow, and it happens step by step. That makes it hard for the client to see that she's making progress. If she's having a flashback, she may think that she isn't making any progress at all.

Flashbacks will shrink in size, a LOT, and they'll keep on shrinking. But they'll keep on happening. You'll always need to apply your flashback-busting strategies, at least a little. However, good-enough management creates a good-enough life.

So he's basically saying that the flashbacks you have at the start of your recovery are NOT the flashbacks you'll be having later on, once you're a lot further along in your recovery. So in a way, these early and unbearable flashbacks will go away. (If I understand that text right, that is.) The world is full of people who have ailments they need to manage. Allergies, diabetes, disabilities, Morbus Crohn, asthma... it all means having to adjust your lifestyle, having to learn coping skills, having to put emergency procedures in place. But over time, some of all that becomes a habit much like making your morning coffee or reading the newspaper: it's simply a part of your life. You're not even conscious of it anymore. It's just what you do. And you can lead a good-enough life with the help of good-enough management skills.

Hmm, thank you for rephrasing and giving it a new perspective. Doesn't seem that bad now

I just want to feel better. Don't have a life that I feel is to the point of unbearable a lot of the time.

[Dyess]

Oh I agree with you ...that is depressing to think that I may have to be in the counselors office much longer and on these meds *sigh*

[Sandals]

I'm sorry this is hitting you hard; I can certainly understand why you feel that way, it is a legitimate concern to have.

I've also read similar in other places...and I believe that there is truth in that it won't disappear completely or forever. But I also believe that when healing begins, just being able to see the world and its beauty is something so filled with magic and optimism that it will offset it. None of this good-enough stuff. You ARE already enough. You just need the veil to lift a bit to fill you with this inspiration.

I also believe that when we make purpose out of this pain, we will start to resent it less and feel it fuel us with action and passion. And yes, it may be hard to believe, but there is purpose to all of this. It takes a while to find it but when you do it makes it all the more worthwhile.

[spryte]

I am not fully recovered. In fact, I'm currently dealing with a recurrence of some emotional triggers that I thought I'd dealt with and gotten under control...but they're being triggered by a completely new and stressful situation. However...I am WORLDS better than I was even a year ago when I really started tackling this stuff, right about the time that I found this forum...though I've been gone for a while. I have a whole toolbox full of shiny, spanking new tools to handle this setback than I did the last time around. Each time I learn new coping skills, and I get more practice using the ones that I already have so that now...even the the emotional flashbacks and triggers happen...my automatic reaction to them is to pull out those tools...not let them suck me under (or, at least, not suck me under for long).

I'm not sure that healing completely is ever really possible, but not because we are irreparably broken...because at some point, "healing" just becomes "growth". And we, more than most people, are invested in growing as individuals and dealing with the hard stuff as it comes up, instead of just burying it. Other people who don't have traumatic pasts...a lot of them have their own defense mechanisms and get flashbacks to other unpleasant situations (after all...our brains are basically wired to go..."Oh! This situation is like that situation!" It's just that ours are much more problematic to functioning and happiness a lot of the times, so we are forced to deal with them while others just kind of write them off.

Rewiring our brains IS possible. At the same time, I have had to come to a place of acceptance with some things. My memory, and learning capacity has been severely impacted over the years by the constant stress and anxiety that I was under before I started dealing with this. That might be permanent, or it might get better as I heal. I don't know. I just know that I came to a place where it was freaking me out so much that I just had to accept that it might not ever change. That was tough.