Hello

[smwillard]

 
I'm new here and looking for a place of support. My sky is falling and I no longer have the strength to hold it up. I am a survivor of 10 years of CSA by both parents. I still see my mother everyday. I'm tired. I'm scared. I feel trapped after all these years. I've become a prescription drug addict because I can't function under normal pressures anymore.
I don't want any friends. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I have lost all interest in everything I used to enjoy..
Thanks for listening,

[mourningdove]

Welcome! 

I am in a similar position in that I see one of my abusive parents everyday, so I know how difficult that can be. It's so hard. I'm sorry that you feel trapped and scared and are struggling with addiction. You're not alone.

Just a note: Not sure if it applies to you, but this site discourages participants from using real names for safety reasons.

I've found this site to be very helpful and I hope that you do, too! 

[Kizzie]

Hi SMW and a very warm welcome to OOTS    Are you in a position to take a break from seeing your M?  Sometimes it can give us that physical and more importantly emotional space we need to bring the stress down and to stop being triggered by them so we can rest and take stock so to speak. The other thing that might be helpful is to see a therapist if you're not doing so already. 

As Mourningdove's post suggests, we definitely "get it" it here at OOTS and hopefully you will find a lot of information, support, and encouragement.

Coming here to me suggests you are not at all ready to give up imo.  You are actively looking for support and that's you fighting for you and that my friend is a very good thing indeed

[VeryFoggy]

Hello SMW!  So glad to have you and I agree with everything Kizzie said.  I've done this, taken a break and it is amazing what a break from feeling that pressure and constantly feeling of being on guard has done for me.  So getting yourself a break from it might be something to think about.  Also counseling is something that has been sort a of a miracle for me. Again a great idea.

You did not deserve the treatment you received.  You did nothing to cause it.  It is horrific that people can be so cruel to helpless children, and my heart goes out to you.   

It is wonderful that you are reaching out and trying to do something for yourself to help yourself and we are very glad to have you.

[smwillard]

Thanks ya'll,
Giving myself a break right now is easier said than done. I run the family business. No breaks for me..
I've seen a phychiatrist who just wants my money. Had my meds changed more times than I can count. I do have a therapist I like but he is hard to get into see.....
My husband has been out of work for 2 months now and all money responsibility falls on me and I don't make enough to pay our bills.
Now I have to get a second job and I can't hardly function at my first one

[VeryFoggy]

SMW - It sounds like you feel very, very trapped, and very hemmed in, and like you have no choices left at all, and that is a terrible feeling.  On top of that to make it worse you must face one of your abusers on a daily basis, which then I would imagine ramps up your symptoms making it very, very difficult to think clearly and to make good decisions.

I am so, so sorry.

Bur I am glad you are here and glad you have some support in the form of a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I hope your husband is supportive too.

As you look around this forum, I hope you will feel that all of us are pulling for you, and that we do care. Talking about it here does help. So I hope you find some meaning on some of the forums. 

[Boatsetsailrose]

For me I chose to put my health first and it worked out in the end --
The one thing we can do for ourselves is put our own health first
Without it nothing works anyway
Best wishes
Choice is something we always own even when we don't think we do
Watch what happens - fear is a freezer