Just got triggered big time

[Cottonanx]

Stuff like this has happened to me many times, but this is the FIRST time I have correctly identified what was happening as a C-PTSD trigger. That's progress, right?

I left what I thought was a reasonable, balanced book review on a book review web site, and a bunch of people didn't like my review, and started trashing me, calling me names, questioning my ulterior motives, etc.

My knee-jerk reaction when something like this happens is to disintegrate. I realize now that this is because I have C-PTSD and I was raised to where if I disagreed with my parents or did something they didn't like or that made them look bad to someone else, I got punished. And maybe there was other stuff that happened that I don't remember, I don't know. As far as I remember, I've always been like this, utterly terrified of saying something someone disagrees with, terrified of making someone angry, terrified of being attacked. I'm only just now realizing it's NOT because I'm a horrible person, it's because I was emotionally abused as a child and now have C-PTSD as a result. I still can't calm down though  I feel like curling into a ball and crying and wrapping myself in a blanket and never talking to anyone again.

[mourningdove]

Cottonanx, I'm so sorry that people were mean and rude to you online. I've had that happen to me before and and had massive emotional flashbacks, so I know how it feels, and it's awful. I find that it helps me cope if I can remember that people's negative words reflect badly on them rather than on me. Easier said than done, though, I know.

And yes, it is definitely progress that you identified identified the trigger!  I'm sorry you are having an EF and I am wishing you some peace.

[Butterfly]

And if you need to go ahead and curl up in a ball wrap yourself in a blanket and cry, just don't fall into silence and give in to FOG in a lasting way!

[no_more_fear]

Hi Cottonanx,

Yes yes yes, you are definitely making progress. Big round of  and  because it's so hard. Identifying the thing from the past that has triggered the current EF brings a wave of relief, but then the intense sorrow sets in. You're amasing for dealing with this and you'll get stronger every day. Your confronting these demons and beginning the road to a much better life. Believe it. Don't let that ICr tell you otherwise.

Anyone giving me any type of criticism sends me into an EF. This unbelievable fear hits me, but I keep telling myself it's just related to the past, the present moment is safe. Because the worst punishment was served when we protested the unfair behaviour of our parents, I believe that these EF's are the worst. They're certainly my worst anyway, would you say that?

I hope you're a bit better now. I'm sending you all the hugs I can