I'm so confused

[LizzwithaY]

Hi, I'm Lizzy

I've previously been diagnosed as Bipolar but am beginning to question the diagnoses.It took nearly 5 years for me to come to terms with that diagnoses on its own. Other people close to me in life and who have had experience studying mental illnesses have suggested a form of PTSD. After reading up on the subject, and seriously evaluating my life... I saw the connection and the signs.

So. I'm confused as all get out, and just trying to make sense of things in my head. My first therapy appointment is tomorrow. I have a crazy big fear of just facing the past that I've been running from my whole life.

Is there a hope? A light at the end of the tunnel? Should I be this scared?

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi LizzwithaY 

Yes, there is hope, and yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And while you possibly should not be this scared, it's perfectly OK to be this scared.
It is scary, I can relate. 

for going to your first therapy session tomorrow. It's brave, and yes, it's scary.

I hope and wish you'll have a good primary talk with your T tomorrow, and that some light will shine on your bi-polar diagnosis and your identification with PTSD.

Good luck, and feel free to post here how it went, if you wish to do so.


Welcome to the site and community,


Dutch Uncle

[LizzwithaY]

Met with the therapist, who was going by the book. So she didn't even account for long-term exposure to trauma. Just was reading off symptoms. She thinks I've developed my own coping techniques (un-acknowledgement of problems, avoidance, disassociation, and other probably not healthy things.) She proceeded to, according to that psychological diagnoses book, list off symptoms of dysthymic disorder as the issue. Never really talked about why I came in to begin with. Focused on the "I don't think I'm bipolar cause I've never truly addressed my past and this is probably what's actually going on."

I am still really confused. Fortunately my best friend is in the field and studied down here so she has connections with others so she's finding me a therapist who will actually pay attention to my concerns.

[foggy]

getting someone who listens,with no prejudgement is important,i think that all of us deserve to be listened to.i was so scared when i attended my first appointment,came very close to cancelling,but so glad that i did.'nt .wondered every week what i was going to talk about,but the right person gets the full story before they "contribute" ,my eldest daughter is training as a clinical psychologist ,and not hard to see how she has ended up there,my T didn't look any older than her and as a 50 year old i did not care,just wanted to tell my story,did the homework,wrote the letters never sent,done the breathing,etc,thought that telling the story was enough,discharged myself,but here i am still trying to come to some conclusions.still talking to my doctor about a referal  for cbt,definitely not ready to come of anti-depressants ,please perservere,as long as you are communicating you are still standing,my very kindest thoughts to you

[LizzwithaY]

Thank you! I just felt like after the appointment that I couldn't find someone to listen or point me in the right path. I'm still affected, especially now that I'm coming to the realization of just how... messed up... my life has been. I'm having more and more difficulties just daily in doing everyday ordinary things. I'm just wanting to take the right step and figure it out, but this going to the T just seemed like a step backward.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi LizzwithaY,

on the visit to the T.

Met with the therapist, who was going by the book. [...] She proceeded to, according to that psychological diagnoses book, list off symptoms of dysthymic disorder as the issue.

That's an improvement, no? I had to look up Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia) ( http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dysthymic-disorder-symptoms/ ), and as a layman I'd say I see overlaps/similarities with cPTSD symptoms.
Do I understand this T is at least willing to look further that the 'established' diagnosis of Bipolar? That's at least some 'gain', isn't it?

Thank you! I just felt like after the appointment that I couldn't find someone to listen or point me in the right path. [...] I'm just wanting to take the right step and figure it out, but this going to the T just seemed like a step backward.

This brought back memories to my first visit to my GP where I confessed I was an alcoholic and felt like my previous depressive episode (15 years back) had never been treated properly. I was very 'hung ho' to fix it NOW and FOREVER!
My GP said calm yet determined, and in quite a compassionate way (even though I didn't like the message): "Mr. Uncle, I understand you want to have a quick fix now, and I commend you for it, but I'll have to tell you that after such a long period of 'troubles' as you yourself describe it, there will not be a quick solution or fix. That's OK though, there are people who are able and willing to guide you along. I'll refer you to some of them."

I'm impatient still, 14 months later, lol. But with determination I'm progressing. Baby steps, and once in a while a step back even. And a leap forward.

Will you go back to this T? She does seem inquisitive, which might be a good thing.

I'm happy for you there are friends around you to aid you in your quest.

[LizzwithaY]

I'll go back to her at least one more time, to try past the initial "get to know you" appointment. My biggest concern is her so far wanting to go by the books, and reading the list of symptoms as a checklist. Will give it another shot, if not I'll try to figure something out.

I know that nothing will be a quick fix, but I do want to at least see hope for progress. I'm determined to get off the bipolar meds and at least adapt to new ones for a while. Ideally would like to be med free, but if that takes a while I am still willing to do that.