Hi everyone

[gidget]

I just located this forum after reading some materials that made me realize I fit into the "diagnosis" of CPTSD. I'm 52 and the childhood trauma at the hands of biological and adoptive parents is too long to list in an introductory post. Went on to marry abusers as well. Finally clear of all of those relationships and hoping to live a life of peace and serenity, steering clear of any more abuse from this point forward. I have a therapist I love and she feels I'm doing really well. I think I am too, but I know I isolate myself too much for long-term health and happiness. I don't want to dwell on the past, but I would like to be a part of a community in which I can talk about it when I feel the need, and know that people understand and will not be dismissive or patronizing. The only other person in my life whom I could really hope for understanding from is my adoptive brother, but he survives by denying the scope of the abuse, and becomes angry with me if I bring it up in a public or semi-public place (like a posting on FB, for example). I started to read some books just this week on CPTSD, but I find that just a few chapters in, I feel much worse than I ever do otherwise. Yes, I am fully aware that I avoid relationships because of my history, but I'm able to function pretty darn well and the people around me see me as very much "normal" (whatever that is). Reading this material makes me think, "well, yes, that, and that, and that, and THAT all apply to me. Yes, I do respond in those three ways, but not those 4. Holy cow, I am so BROKEN and I didn't even realize it." Does that make sense to anyone?

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi, gidget. 

I don't want to dwell on the past, but I would like to be a part of a community in which I can talk about it when I feel the need, and know that people understand and will not be dismissive or patronizing.

You can do all of that here. At your own leisure.

I'm able to function pretty darn well and the people around me see me as very much "normal" (whatever that is).

Ah, a survivor. Yay you! 

"Holy cow, I am so BROKEN and I didn't even realize it." Does that make sense to anyone?

You bet!

Welcome. Stick around, will you?

[stillhere]

Nice to meet you, Gidget.  And, yes, Dutch Uncle is correct:  you can do all you mention on this site.  I've been here less than two weeks and have been impressed with the engagement, compassion, and overall sensibility.

For me, at least, the impact of CPTSD waxes and wanes.  I've been fine -- or at least functional and reasonably happy -- for periods of life.  And then something happens and I'm thrust backwards, dealing again with effects from long ago.  At least on this site, no one seems to judge or apply any expectations.

[arpy1]

hey gidget.

does it make sense? oh yes. every word.

here's a place to catch your breath, feel supported by and learn from other people who don't judge you. hope you will feel welcomed.