Leveling Up in Recovery

[spryte]

So, I don't know if this will interest anyone.

I am part of this fitness network called Nerd Fitness. In it, we treat fitness like a video game where you do things to "level up" your character. (It's really called Nerd Fitness for a reason, lol) And the other day, I kind of started looking at this like that.

Recovery is a long, hard freaking road. Our brains are wired to see the negative and it's really really easy to get caught up in so much of it and lose perspective. And for a lot of people in the thick of it, I know that one of the biggest worries is, "Am I going to be stuck here forever?" For these reasons, I think that a "Leveling Up" thread would be useful.

If we list our "small wins" here, things that we notice are better, are getting better, or behaviors that have decreased...if we make it into a "game" so to speak, it will...

1. Help us be more mindful. We'll be more actively on the lookout for things that we can list here.
2. Help us keep perspective. We'll be able to come back and look at these things when we're stuck in a dark spot.
3. Help others who are overwhelmed with all the struggle stories, give them some bright things to hang on to and a place to start listing their own successes!

In the next post, I'll start.

I suggest that we post the success...and what "category" it's related to.

These don't have to be behaviors...they can be anything you feel is a step forward. A piece of the puzzle that fell into place that you want to share, a changed thought pattern, even just a more positive emotion that you're feeling and noticing! No one is going to tell you that the positive thing you share about here "doesn't fit". So share!

[spryte]

The other day, my boyfriend invited me out to dinner with he and his mom. I'd been sick for a few days, and had been putting off some responsibilities that needed to be taken care of. I already had plans to go home and do all these things. But I had the urge to just say yes.
1. None of the things that I had to do were things that couldn't be put off for a few hours.
2. The enticement of what I knew would be an unhealthy "comfort food" restaurant meal was strong, especially after being sick...despite the fact that my stomach still was not feeling well.
3. And I had the urge to "caretake" my boyfriend, because he has really bad SA and taking her to this restaurant is a strain on him, and I know having me there for company makes it easier sometimes.

Despite all of those things, I said No Thank You.

I took care of myself before someone else.

After this exchange, I thought about the fact that there was a time in the not so distant past when I wouldn't have said No. My inability to take good care of myself plus my natural tendency towards care taking and poor boundary setting would have made me shrug and say: F*ck It! And deal with the consequences later.

I felt like I 'leveled up' in the categories of Co-Dependence, and Self-Care!

[Kizzie]

Great thread Spryte!

I noticed that several times in the past month or so I have just out and out said when I did not like something my H cooked without worrying that I am going to hurt his feelings.  And several times when we've gone out for a meal I've said quite clearly that I dio not like something without thinking twice about expressing my opinion.  (Afterward there was some surprise inside like "Wow, where did that come from?" and pleasure "Yah, thatfelt good to just say what I think.")

I think my "fawn" tendencies and my fear of reprisal for saying what I think are decreasing, and my willingness to be more my authentic self is increasing

[spryte]

Kizzie, how awesome!! 

I LOVE those moments where we surprise ourselves in a positive way like that!

My level up moment today is very similar to yours.

[spryte]

I'm having a tough day, so I want to make sure that I take note of this.

I am infamous for being a people pleasure, having awful boundaries, running the other way instead of standing up for myself...not protecting myself in lots of ways.

I've been working on building those skills, and as I do, focusing on building a "trust" relationship with myself, so that I can feel more secure in the idea that I can, indeed, protect myself when the need arises.

That happened at work today. A co-worker tried to throw me under the bus, and I calmly, and in a professional way, stood up for myself. And I am not freaking out inside about it about "what people might think about me".

It's been happening a lot more lately, that I've been speaking up for myself, and today was just the moment that I realized that the balance has definitely shifted between those times when I let things go that I shouldn't, and the times when I speak up for myself.

I am finally reaching a point of trust with myself. It's comforting.

I'm leveling up in boundary setting!!!

[Kizzie]

Oh that is good -      It really is comforting isn't it?!

[schrödinger's cat]

Congratulations! 

[Badmemories]

Posted by: spryte
October 04, 2014, 08:23:54 AM

It's been happening a lot more lately, that I've been speaking up for myself, and today was just the moment that I realized that the balance has definitely shifted between those times when I let things go that I shouldn't, and the times when I speak up for myself.

Spryte, Yes I have been sticking up for Myself also! In fact I think that is what tanked me this time is that I did not speak-up for Myself.

A man that is living in this building through harvest offered to pay me $100. to do his laundry for the season. That appealed to me as I use My daughter's machines so It does not cost me anything!
It has been working well, except one night he bought heavy work clothes at 9PM that he needed by Morning! They needed to be washed 2 times because of the mud etc on them and I had 3 loads... I should have said something but I just stuffed it!   

I should NOT have stuffed it! i think that was part of what gave me a nose dive!

[spryte]

Badmemories - You know, I'm not even sure that learning how to speak up for myself was even really a choice for me. When I was really struggling with my dissociation (which for me, back then, was "tanking") me stuffing my feelings (once I realized I was having them) and NOT speaking up for myself was a one way ticket to tanksville, every darn time. Learning how to speak up for myself almost became more of a survival mechanism than the stuffing, if I wanted to become a healthy, emotionally function human being.

BUT, those "mistakes" are just stepping stones on the path. I used to get really hard on myself about those times, until I started learning how to analyze them and use them to my advantage. What happened, how did it happen, when did it happen, why did it happen, how can I make sure that it doesn't happen again? The more you notice those times, and the results, the better you'll get!

[spryte]

I wanted to post a level up from last night:

Last night was full of win.

I went to a yoga class. I kind of had to talk myself into keeping the apt. Having registered and paid for the class already was actually really beneficial with that.

At the beginning of the class, she asked us to dedicate our practice that night to someone. I dedicated it to myself. Then, she asked us to set an intention for our practice that night. My intention was to get through the class without being too hard on myself, and comparing myself to others.

It was a tough class for me. But, as we went through it, I noticed why. We were moving through the asana's too quickly for me. We did the sun salutation several times. I don't have the poses down well enough first of all, and then there's the additional component of transitioning to the next pose. I didn't feel comfortable that I was doing the poses right, or that I was getting any benefit out of them or transitioning correctly.

But, I kept up for the most part, and Ms. * Face Meany Pants stayed quiet. Which was nice.

I did still feel self-conscious, but it wasn't too bad.

Afterward, I talked to the instructor. I felt bad, the look on her face seemed sad that I didn't like her class when I asked if there was a slower one. I asked her if my issues, which I'd explained, were things that she thought could be addressed in her class and she said yes. She got kind of excited and asked me to come back next week and she'd put together a different kind of class. So, I'm going to go back.

All in all, I was pretty happy with it.
I went.
The critic stayed quiet.
I definitely got something out of it. The backs of my thighs are already sore.
I did even difficult moves for me. I stopped when I needed to.
And I talked to the teacher afterwards.

All really good steps forward for me.

*There was a time when I wouldn't have gone, even if I had paid for it in advance, I would have just eaten the $15 and stayed home watching TV.
*There was a time when I'd have been near tears by the end of the session because my critic would have been riding me so hard the entire time.
*There was a time when I no way would have even talked to the teacher afterwards, not wanting to seem like I was "complaining" about the class, too embarrassed about my inabilities to even ask for help, or if there were ways for me to adjust things. I would have just walked out, and never come back, telling myself that I'm just going to do yoga at home in the privacy of my own home, so I didn't have to be so uncomfortable...and then likely never doing it.

[schrödinger's cat]

Hey, that's great! That sounds like a real milestone, that. Congratulations!