How to deal with anger, when your afraid of it and of expressing it?

[KayFly]

Hey I just wrote you on the other post.  I am okay. I have been really anxious for the last day or 2 and decided to take some time away from the site because I just need to take some time and figure out how to say things without reacting so emotionally at times.  I also am just getting really busy with school and other therapy groups coming up...

I'm really excited my partner just got back tonight so I am going to spend the weekend with him.

Thank you so much for responding to all that I said, especially while going through all that you are.  I had a really good conversation with my T the other day, and a good session with her that helped. No one could have predicted I would have a bad reaction to the medications and I see now that they had good intentions, but it had to be worked out through a talk.

To answer your question about leaving my FOO, I moved to a new place, changed my phone number and didn't tell anyone where I was going. I had to let go of like, everyone, and everything I knew. It's been a year now, and luckily I met my partner who has taken me into his home and has a great family who has taken me under their wing. So I can go to school, and nourish those relationships while afford therapy. I am truly a blessed person. I remain grateful, though the past year has been very much filled with grieving and crying and sometimes screaming and punching pillows. But I have come very far. It's a process. I have a couple great friends who know where I have come from, who have been friends a long time. They don't live here, but they are always with me.  It's still hard to talk about now...the family thing, but I feel safe here with you. I will reach out if I need to talk about it in the future...and share more.

Again I don't feel let down or burdened by you in any way. I really really truly wish for you to be cared for and to heal. I know it's so hard to know that, and I know it's so hard to trust, and I am with you in that process.

I'm gonna cut it short and be with my partner He has been gone over two weeks and I just want to be held.

I'll be away from the site for a short time, but I'll be back. Just need to practice some self care. Sorry if I don't respond to anything for longer than usual.

Take care!! I'll be thinking of you 

[Indigochild]

Hey again 

Hey, I'm so sorry your feeling anxious. I wish there was something I could do to stop it for you. I know its all a process, but sometimes, it just plain sucks and it feels we are getting no answers simply by just feeling so awful.

I understand you need a break. I hope it helps. I hope you are able to be whatever you are / feeling at the moment, I hope you have support and love, and i hope you feel safe.
I hope you are able to centre yourself and do whats best for you. It is ok to do what ever it is that you need to do.

I also hope that school and therapy groups go well too.

I hope you have a lovely weekend with your partner.
No worries about responding.  I care a lot, and I couldn't leave you whilst going through a really hard time. Know one should have to be alone during those times.

Im so glad you and your T had a good conversation about what happened.
I hope she gave you some insight if you needed it, but lots of empathy works wonders.
I also hope that everything goes ok with your medication now.

I hope you didn't feel you had to explain about leaving your FOO.
That must of been simply terrifying, i hope that you are proud of yourself for moving away.
I am glad you get on with your partners family and that your have great friends.

You are coming far always, even if it doesnt feel like it sometimes.
All of this is progress, every second.
I am glad you feel safe here, I hope you continue to despite the triggers, and I do hope you will reach out if you want / need to talk in future.

I am so glad you dont feel let down by me or burdened.
I have to say, that you are an amazing writer. the way you write your posts - its different to others writing. Your compassion seems to shine through, I'm not sure how you do it, you have such a way with words.

I am with you also.
Thank you for your understanding and you empathy.
Don't worry about your responses. Take time for yourself, treat yourself, you seem to give so much to others and seem to be a very caring, understanding, lovely person and you need to take time for you.

I will be thinking of you too and I'm always here.
Take care of yourself...

[KayFly]

Thank you so much Indigo  It means a lot. Take good care of you. You so deserve it.

[Indigochild]

No worries KayFly. Same to you too.