Holding down a job

[Aliyah34]

Hi everyone I'm new to this group - a 34 year old women who endured horrific childhood abuse and seems to attract more of it today.  I am very well read but I can't hold down a job - getting up, staying organized ... It's all so hard for me.  I don't want to go on disability because that's like telling my mother she won - but on the other hand I am loosing motivation to keep trying and I'm traumatized from being fired on 3 or more occasions.  What's your thoughts?

[stacey]

Hi Aliyah, I'm new here too. I find the whole work area to be the most stressful area. I feel like I've underachieved all my life, that I'm smart but just can't handle the working life. It's embarrassing, really. Maybe we could start up a co-op for CPTSD people. Doing what? Well, that's the bit where my idea falls down.

I know lots of ppl struggle with the idea of disability but I think it's good if it's something you can use for time out and healing from the trauma of getting fired (ouch!!) and to give yourself some breathing space to try and work out what to do.

[Mybeautifulabuser]

Hi Aliyah,

Welcome.  I'm pretty new here too.  I'm the opposite in a way, and chuck myself into my work even on days when I really shouldn't.  I often wonder to myself why I do it!  Still I can totally understand what you are saying.  My suggestion is that you stay kind to yourself, first and foremost, and go at your own pace.   There are very many ways you can apply yourself, be creative, talented, organised...in small, manageable doses, without traumatising yourself with a full on job.  This sounds truly ridiculous but I once, as an adult, took on a paper round...not for the money but for what it gave me, at a time when I couldn't manage anything else.  My question to you is really, would your mum really have won if you go on disability?  It doesn't matter what she thinks.  You must do what you feel is right for you.   

Rx  www.mybeautifulabuser.com. (My blog....feel free to have a read x)

[tired]

I want to go on disability but I don't know if I could. Also there are situations where I function well. Like if I get used to a place and I have a very clear routine and not a lot of people around at once. 

I don't know what to do. I do well cleaning and might make more than other jobs but I remember my mom once hitting me for getting bad grades and saying you'll just grow up to be a maid.

[Kizzie]

Hi everyone I'm new to this group - a 34 year old women who endured horrific childhood abuse and seems to attract more of it today.  I am very well read but I can't hold down a job - getting up, staying organized ... It's all so hard for me.  I don't want to go on disability because that's like telling my mother she won - but on the other hand I am loosing motivation to keep trying and I'm traumatized from being fired on 3 or more occasions.  What's your thoughts?

Hi Alayah and welcome to OOTS   So very sorry to hear about all that you endured in childhood and has carried over into the present.   

FWIW I had a thought when I read your post - by not going on disability perhaps your mother is winning?  I mean it's keeping you from having the funds to live and the time/space you need to recover.  CPTSD is a stress disorder and is treatable so people do get well and are able to work more comfortable. So when you think about it, going on disability might be the best path for you to recovery at least right now. There's nothing to say you will need to stay on it forever.

(PS- As you recover what your M thinks will probably come to mean less and less to you.  A T told me that a feew years ago and I thought she was crazy as my M dominated my thoughts. But, it has come to be  ).